I’ve had about forty grapes this morning. Nature’s candy. I just love grapes. Well, I love most all fruit.bullseye

Anyway, for the latest edition I chose Allan’s post. Allan is from California, which as we learned yesterday, makes him extra cool.

 

Allan said:

“I wish California made me cool.

I use the plastic picture holder in my wallet to display my movie ticket stub collection. It is better than having pictures of myself, but also shows that I don’t keep pictures of my family and loved ones readily available.”

 

Going to movies is a great common experience. At the movies there is nothing more common than people talking during the movie. Everyone hates that. If you read that and don’t hate it, that means you are someone who does it.

I went to the movie a few years ago with my friend, Stephen. Part way through the movie the woman sitting next to Stephen got a phone call. Instead of embarrassingly, quickly, and frantically pulling her cell phone out of her purse and turning it off, she pulled it out and started talking in a regular voice.

This was her dialogue, well monologue.

“I’m in a movie.”

“I’m in a MOVIE.”

“Well that sounds like the type of thing Frank would do.”

“Tell him to remember who puts a roof over his head.”

And on and on it went. We gave her the appropriate glares, but she brushed them off. The greatest irony of it all is that we were at a movie called Cellular about a guy who gets a call on his cell phone from Kim Basinger because she’s been kidnapped and he’s the only phone that her broken landline could connect to.

So, ultimately I couldn’t be too upset because that same situation may have been happening to the woman in the movie theater. It would be like being at the movie Titanic and being upset with someone complaining about the temperature in the theater. Or dancing Irish jigs with the commoners, or drawing their date nude during the movie.

A movie theater would have to be one of the worst places to be nude and then fall down. I don’t like the movie theater floor touching the soles of my shoes, let alone my bare rump.

Other places it would be bad to be nude and fall down:

A fiberglass factory

A vat of anything (except aloe)

The White House tour (trust me on this one)

Fire ant home

Grandchild’s piano recital

Quarterly sales presentation

Puritan town meeting

I love not so good action movies. Anytime a guy is wronged and on the run and can’t go to the police and is being chased by bad guys and has to use his wits and natural strength when the bad guys have guns will hook me. Sometimes I will imagine those scenarios for myself if I’m running at night or something. There is something primal in me that feels too confined by my adult life. The great thing about those movies is that they don’t put too much of a premium on dialogue.

Jimmy Nevada: (pointing a newly acquired gun at bad guy) “I think you’ve reached the end of the your rope Two Toes”

Two Toes: (sarcastically) “Oh I’m so scared. You might say I’m a-frayed.”

Jimmy: “You’re knot getting out of this one.”

Two Toes: “Yeah, well this rope is turning into a slip knot for you Nevada.”

Two Toes kicks the gun out of Nevada’s hands with his good foot. A chase ensues and they end up on the top of a tall building because the hero can’t ever shoot anybody. Two Toes falls off the top of the building. The scene ends with Nevada looking down the side of the building and says:

“Looks like this little piggy ain’t goin’ to market.”

So yeah, they’re stupid, but they draw me in everytime.

Next prompt: What is something that won’t fit in the bed of a pickup truck?

Advertisements

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

3 responses »

  1. Jason says:

    I know this is really bad. I know it is. Please forgive me but it was the first thought that came into my head.

    Manuel Uribe.

    Google him but not if you’re eating.

  2. Allan says:

    The Hadron Collider would not fit in the bed of a pickup truck. But could you imagine the widespread panic that would result if someone had a potentially world-ending atomic collider in their vehicle instead of the stereotypical gun rack or ice chest full of refreshing beverages!?

    I think Chrysler should consider making expensive scientific contraptions available for options for customers buying a vehicle. It would certainly reflect Obama’s attempt to redeem the United States’ Scientific edge. I think replacing cup holders with bunsen burners is a fantastic idea personally.

  3. Leora Rew says:

    Well, a king sized mattress does not fit in the bed of a pick up truck. (Or for that matter a queen sized mattress, and probably not a full mattress) I once tried to put a mattress in the bed of a pick up truck. It was for a Bosnian refugee family and it was a donation. Trouble was when we drove on the highway with it, it flipped out of the truck!! I tought my Bosnian friend was going to die on Interstate 80 recovering a mattress after previously surviving the Bosnian war!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s