So I have now been blogging for about a week. I must conclude that it makes me a blogger now. I imagine that my t-shirt will be coming in the mail soon. Before I get on with this entry I will alert you to the fact that I’m starting to get more videos edited from previous shows. Here is part one of my interview with Jim Stafford. Notice the logo in the corner. Oh yeah.

I decided to use Allan’s suggestion from the last prompting. The question was, “What is something that would not fit into the bed of a pickup truck?”


Allan said:

“The Hadron Collider would not fit in the bed of a pickup truck. But could you imagine the widespread panic that would result if someone had a potentially world-ending atomic collider in their vehicle instead of the stereotypical gun rack or ice chest full of refreshing beverages!?

I think Chrysler should consider making expensive scientific contraptions available for options for customers buying a vehicle. It would certainly reflect Obama’s attempt to redeem the United States’ Scientific edge. I think replacing cup holders with bunsen burners is a fantastic idea personally.”


Allan, good thoughts. You should pursue comedy in your past. I want you to know I chose your answer over my mom’s answer. This says nothing about how much I value you or your mom or your mom for that matter.

I first learned of these colliders when I was in college, in a communications class, oddly enough. It is called the Fermilab and is in Illinois. It has been replaced as the go to collider by the one in Europe now. Apparently, hadron colliders are just like TV’s, eventually you have to replace them with a newer, bigger, one from Europe. The whole idea with the colliders is to knock sub atomic particles together at nearly the speed of light to see what happens.

Probably the closest we’ve come to seeing this happen in nature is in the Sprite commercial that is playing right now. Have you seen this? I can’t find it online, or I would link to it. There are guys hanging out on a playground or in a park. Out of nowhere two of them run at each other as fast as they can, hit each other and explode into liquid. The other guys are showered by Sprite/water/human remains and love it, so more of them start to do it. First off, why aren’t they concerned about the fact that their friends were just obliterated? Secondly, their response is to go and bask in the shower of their former friends? What kind of an alternate universe is this where that is a good thing?

My theory is that they all have rabies and start to get aggressive and turn on each other. They explode into the frothy mess because their rabies is so bad that they were frothing at the body. Or possibly, it is a prophetic message of the end times. That is how we go in the end. Everyone will turn to it. Except robots.

These Hadron/Sprite colliders has got me thinking about the times that I’ve collided with things at high speeds. Here are my favorites:

(1) Subjects:






I was playing Little League baseball for the Giants and we were taking infield practice before the game started against the Astros (Matt Furman’s team). A popup was hit to me and, not surprisingly, it got lost in the gaseous center of our universe and landed on my lip.

Came out on top:


(2) Subjects

       Unnamed man on bicycle



    Tornado warning


There was a tornado warning sounding when my mom and my brothers were in the car. We stopped at the nearest friendly place, our church, for refuge. As I’m stepping out of the car I accidentally trip a guy on a bike who is speeding down the alley. He goes tumbling, crashing down on the sidewalk. He gets up and his bike is totally broken. The sirens are blaring, it’s getting dark and this guy is refusing help as he hobbles down an urban alley never to be seen from again. That is the closest I will get to feeling what 1943 London must have been like.

Came out on top:


(3) Subjects

Julie Baker





I was in kindergarten when my fellow neighborhood friend, Julie, invited me over. We were playing in her basement. Then she said, “Let’s play Snow White!” So we re-enacted Snow White. Come to think of it, it was my first improv scene. Then we got to the point where the prince wakes up Snow White with a kiss. Julie said, “You can actually kiss me, or you can pretend.” I pondered it for second and summoned courage that would abandon me for a number of years. I leaned in and kissed her. I remember afterward thinking, “Oh man, I just really did that. That was really scary. I think I’ll be scared of girls now for a long time to make up for it.”

Came out on top:


So, here is the next prompting: What is a place that you want to visit, but have never been to?


About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

2 responses »

  1. Jason says:

    John Q. Hammon’s closet.

  2. Allan says:

    I’d like to visit Red Square in Moscow; mostly because it would be awesome to have a sesame street shape and color lesson taught to me in Russian.

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