I did not blog yesterday. It was National Don’t Blog Today Day. I celebrated with awe and reverance.

Here is part two of my Jim Stafford interview. He’s an old fashioned entertainer.

Last posting, I asked: “Where is somewhere that you’ve wanted to visit but have never been.” (or something to that effect)


I will use Jason’s answer:

“John Q. Hammon’s closet.”


For our many fans strewn about the world who don’t know who John Q. Hammons is, he is a very wealthy Springfieldian. He’s an icon in Springfield because everytime he builds something he names it after himself. There is Hammons Field-the local minor league baseball stadium, John G. Hammons Parkway, Hammons Tower, John Q. Hammons Chamber of Commerce Building, a Hammons statue, Hammons Student Center, JQH (arena), Juanita K. Hammons Hall for the Performing Arts, a number of Hammons fountains, and the John Q. Hammons Taquito Stand and Emporium. I’m sure I’m missing some. So he is definitely the most wealthy and famous local Springfieldian (Brad Pitt is no longer local).

John Q gets a bad rap because he names everything after himself, which I am totally okay with. He’s provided a lot for the community so if he wants to name things after himself, so be it.

This is an imagined encyclopedia entry for John Q Hammons:

The John Q Hammons is a creature that is rarely seen, but leaves his imprint on his natural habitat. He is an omnivore whose diet consists of nuts, fruits, Geritol, and the tears of other’s poor investment choices. His life expectancy is 134-or whenever there is nothing left to be conquered. Seen mostly in the Ozarks there are lodging dwellings across the country that bear the mark of the Hammons. When seen in public the Hammons is mostly seen to creak up from his resting spot and wave. But, don’t let his docile appearance fool you. He will strike at any moment. Whether his striking is in the form of a blow to the forehead (a common target, where the Hammons claims the money making lobe is located) or to downtown property you can be certain the strike will be strong and just.

Things found in John Q. Hammons closet:


-Dress Shirts


-Dusty Thighmaster

-Secret lair

-An atrium

-To scale model of Hammonsville 2031 (formerly Springfield)

-VHS Tape of Abs Made Easy by Denise Austin

-Season Two Sex and the City


Things soon to be named by John Q Hammons:

Item  Before Renaming                 After John Q Names Them

Mediacom Valley Ice Park                  Hammons Valley Ice Park

Incredible Pizza                                       Incredible Hammons

Qdoba                                                           QQdoba

Dr. Donald Henderson                           Dr. John Q Hammons

Hammons Tower                                     Springfield “Skyline”

Hammons Statue                                     Han Q Solo


Next prompt:

Name an animal, that if you fought it, the fight would be called a draw.

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

One response »

  1. Editor Matt says:

    A cheetah with three broken legs.

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