Hello party people. Would you like to get down? Let’s get down like an arrow scrolling on my last blog post.

Here is a bit from a show last year. Oh yeah, I’m editing away…slowly…very slowly…

For the last prompt I asked: “What is something you do while it’s raining outside?

I will use Jenn’s answer:

 

“Make meatloaf while my kids play with Play-Doh, being carefully not to allow any Play-Doh into the meatloaf. Although, Play-Doh is edible and non-toxic. It’s raining here now, and this is what we’re currently doing.”

 

Meatloaf is one of the few things I’ve cooked that doesn’t involve a box, plastic wrap, or heating instructions for less than three minutes. The thing about meatloaf is that you can put whatever you want into meatloaf and it’s still acceptable as food. You could put the singer Meatloaf into meatloaf and somebody would like it if you had ketchup on it. My cousin, David, used to eat ketchup with applesauce. I’m working on a rap right now for The Mystery Hour that’s about what I eat when my wife’s not home. Here’s what I have so far:

Rapper #1: “So, tell me what you eat when your wife’s not home?” 

Rapper #2 (me): “I eat pizza and applesauce and apples with pizza sauce. I eat pizza with applesauce and apples with pizza sauce.”

Rapper #2: “I eat a Twix and a box of crayons and a grill with a pile of yams.”

It’s still a work in progress, but that was your teaser. Look for it to drop in the fall of ’09. That was inspired by when my wife was gone for just a night and I was standing by the refrigerator eating cold pizza and drinking applesauce out of the jar.

Back to meat. I think if I really thought about it I would be vegeterian, so I try not to think about it. I don’t like the meats that in the name tell me what part of the animal it comes from. This only applies to the ones where I know the animal part it’s referring to. Also, I don’t like it if I have to go through 6 napkins in a meal.

Ribs? Two strikes. I know exactly where that comes from and it creates grossness on fingers. I have ribs of my own. I can’t eat them. Suggested name: Meatsicle.

Tenderloin? I’m okay with that because I’m not sure where it is. Inedible name: Tendergroin.

Rump Roast? No good. That’s a butt. Suggested name: Stool slab. That’s bad. Lean Pockets.

Fried Chicken? Too messy. I feel like if I accidentally wipe my hand to my face that an acne colony will appear like a pop up video factoid circa 2001. Suggested name: Grilled Chicken.

Hot Dog? Good. I’m certain that it’s not a dog. However, that’s the only thing I know about it. Inedible name: Fecies-hoof-intestine-rat poison-bouncy ball-plutonium tube.

There you have it. Thank you for indulging me again today.

Next prompt: What is a word that’s difficult for you to pronounce?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

4 responses »

  1. Brian says:

    Aluminum. If I have to, I’ll just say “tin foil.” No one knows the difference. Except chemists.

  2. Editor Matt says:

    Oil.

    It’s the last vestige of my Texas upbringing that it always comes out “ul” like the word “old” without the D.

  3. Leah says:

    The thing is I should be grossed out by your apple/pizza sauce story – but I am starving and thusly want to try it really badly.

    I have to think really hard before I say the word “Caricature”.

  4. Tiffany says:

    Sadly, my difficult word to pronounce is “tour”. When I say it, it sounds like “ter”. I had no idea I was putting a hick-twist on the word until about 5 years ago when my roommate at the time pointed it out. Now I’m aware, and it bothers me, but I seem unable to do anything about it.

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