I have had a cup of grape pop today, so I’m very happy. I love grape pop. It doesn’t taste anything like grapes, but I don’t mind. Fake banana flavoring, on the other hand, is an abomination.

I’m not going to use any previous suggestions for this one because I don’t have to. I can do what I want, it’s my blog.

Instead I’m just going to do a bunch of ‘Things I’ve Noticed.’ I do these for every show and we even have a tab just for them over there.


If you want to play along like you’re reading them for the show, just play the theme song and then start in.

I’ve noticed that…

-If someone were to ask my life’s ambition it would be to be the first Latino into space

-You can’t appropriately express yourself writing the sentence, “I hate exclamation points!” Without doing the very thing you hate.

-When a dentist has tools in my mouth I have no control over my tongue.

-If you steal something from someone’s grocery cart it’s not really stealing.

-A bottomless cup of coffee is just a tube.

-If I am sitting in a one seat bathroom and I notice the door is unlocked I will try to lock it using mind powers.

-Today is the eight year anniversary of the last time I wore jean shorts.

-Contrary to what DiGiorno’s claims, nobody in the history of pizza has ever asked the question, “Is this delivery?”

-If Gap sweatshops have bad working conditions, then Gap Outlet sweatshop working conditions must be 40-60% worse.

-Armadillos are just possums going to war.

-There is a direct correlation between people that have metallic fold out things to block the sun in their car and people that I hate.

-I hate trying to fold up maps, so now I keep a globe in my car.

-No matter how ugly your child is, they look cute in sunglasses.

-When I got to turn the ceiling light fan on there is a 92% chance that I will pull the wrong cord.

-Sometimes while I’m going #1 I will be drinking a glass of water and think, “man, I’m just breaking even.”

-I will often wear tap shoes…just in case.

-Someday I want to meet someone whose native language is wingdings.

I’ve got a lot more of these things. I’ll add them to the tab and the blog periodically.

Next prompt: What toy did you want that you never got?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

2 responses »

  1. Jason says:

    Man, I love when you do TIN.

    When I was a kid I really wanted a Colecovision. I wanted to be able to play Donkey Kong and Zaxxon in the comfort of my living room floor.

  2. Allan says:

    I was pretty spoiled as a child. My sister teased me often that I had “Toys R Us in my bedroom closet” (hypocritically ignoring her own closet that contained a tub filled with a small army of Barbies).

    Anyways, I really liked the miniature playset toys. Micro Machines were incredible until they mysteriously disappeared off of shelves (content to have defined the toy generation of late 80’s and early 90s).

    But no, the Mad Max playsets were not appropriate for the small child with every other type of toy. Monster faces that opened up to reveal dark dungeons that a blonde wizard boy could adventure through fighting grotesque enemies (how could there be anything cooler?) Sadly, to this day I have only dreamed of holding a Mad Max playset in my hand. . .who knows what great adventures could have played out within the cavity of a Mummy face?

    (oh, btw the proper term is “Grape Soda.”)

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