I’m just going to dive into this one. For the last prompt I asked: “What is the longest you’ve ridden in a car and when?”jeffbracesarticlepic

I am going to use Laurel’s comment:

 

“Actually, “science” does NOT say that Pluto is not a planet. Four percent of the International Astronomical Union, most of whom are not planetary scientists, say this. Their 2006 decision was immediately rejected by hundreds of other professional astronomers in a formal petition led by Dr. Alan Stern, Principal Investigator of NASA’s New Horizons mission to Pluto.

Stern and like-minded scientists favor a broader planet definition that includes any non-self-luminous spheroidal body in orbit around a star. The spherical part is important because objects become spherical when they attain a state known as hydrostatic equilibrium, meaning they are large enough for their own gravity to pull them into a round shape. This is a characteristic of planets and not of shapeless asteroids and Kuiper Belt Objects. Pluto meets this criterion and is therefore a planet.”

 

Okay…what? That has nothing to do with a car ride, unless it’s on a moon buggy. I’m not sure Laurel undersands the light nature of this blog. I don’t think Pluto actually goes to a bar where the other planets are hanging out either. I also don’t think Neptune plays Golden Tee. I think Laurel probably has a Google alert for “Pluto not a planet.” It’s good to have someone sticking up for Pluto. Lord knows it can’t stick up for itself, as we learned it’s a sphere, meaning no room for fingers.

But, thank you for your comment, Laurel. Just like Pluto might say, “all are welcome” here. Here’s the point I draw from Laurel’s comment: Facts get in the way. All the time. They’re just always in the way. Take gravity for instance, major bummer. When I was twelve we used to have time trial races around the block. We couldn’t do head to head races because I wasn’t allowed to ride in the street until I was 21. Most people have a big drunken party when they turn 21. I took my Schwinn on the asphalt for the first time. It was frightening. So instead we would do time trials. There was Matt with his cool bike that didn’t have spokes in the rim of the wheel. He claimed that it meant it was for racing. Andy had another cool white dirt bike, similar to Matt’s. Jon had a blue and gold bike. I had the garage sale brown and yellow bike with the extra knobby tires.

I went first and posted a pretty good time of 3:03. When it came to Andy’s turn he wanted to ride my bike for some reason.

“Ready, Set, Go!”

Andy took off down the little hill of Crestview, he followed the curve and moved out of site. He seemed to be going at a pretty good clip. We waited. He wasn’t coming back around the corner for the home stretch. We waited some more. Then around the same corner came Andy with an old neighbor carrying my bike. Apparently, he had taken the back corner pretty fast and when he hit the brakes they locked up on him and he went flying across the street over the handlebars.

See. Right there. That is where gravity could have said, “You know, I’ll give the kid a break this one time.” Oh no, it is too closely bound to facts. The craziest thing is that a week later they put a yield sign up at that corner. In our kid minds it was because of Andy. Our theory was that yield meant yield to flying ten year olds. It was one of those things that I much later thought, “There’s no way that’s why they put that sign up.”

 

Here are some interesting facts I am in favor of:

There is a 92% chance that when I go to turn the ceiling light fan on I will pull the wrong cord.

According to my research based on the occasions when I have dropped food, the world is 100% covered in hair.

If Gap sweatshops have bad working conditions then Gap Outlet sweatshops working conditions must be 40-60% worse.

No matter how ugly your child is they look cute in sunglasses.

The human body is made up of 120% water.

There is a 90% chance that when I’m carrying clothes from the dryer that I will drop a sock. There is a 100% chance that I will try to kick it all the way to my bedroom.

There is a 100% chance that each morning I will pour myself a bowl of cereal. There is a 9% chance that due to lack of checking the milk, I will end up scooping it with my hand back into the box.

Ordinarily when I’m driving in my car that I will be shouting out of the car window exactly .7% of the time, but if I’m in a limo that number jumps to 84%.

There is a 92% chance that while you are unlocking a car door for me that I will pull up on the handle at the same time.

Today is the 16 year anniversary of the last time I wore a tank top not as a joke.

When reaching for grapes at a potluck or a buffet there is a 94% chance that I will only be able to manage getting a couple grapes or I’ll accidentally walk away with the whole vine. There is a 100% chance that I will paw all over the grapes while trying to cut off a branch with my thumbnail.

Next prompt: What is your mother’s favorite slang word?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

One response »

  1. Leah says:

    Ha, ha, ha… Oh the treasures and joy I miss when I don’t read all of your updates.

    My mom’s favorite slang word is “freaking”.

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