I’m back! I survived a wedding in beautiful Lanesboro, Minnesota. I survived leaving my sunroof open overnight during a thunderstorm. I survived my own driving. Everything smells a little mildewy, but no real worse for the wear. Oh, and the poison ivy has been downgraded to “no longer embarassing.”bright teeth 2

For the last prompt I asked: What is a societal prediction you have or 10 years from now?

I will use Allan’s answer:

 

“i predict that in ten years springfield will be the new hollywood. . .”

 

Springfield is well on it’ s way to becoming the new Hollywood. I say that with no real evidence. But, do you have any evidence that it’s not? If you do have evidence showing that it’s not please feel free to e-mail me at idon’tactuallycare@yahoo.com. Very early on in the infancy of television Springfield was actually a bit of a player. The Ozarks Jubilee was broadcast nationally out of Springfield for a number of years and was very highly rated. It was like a predecessor to the Grand Ole Opry. I know that you’re thinking two things upon hearing that. One, wow that’s cool! Two, Jeff shouldn’t know that. I read historical plaques like some people read the paper. I’ve gotten stuck in the local history section of the library for hours before.

You know, I’ve actually gotten stuck in a library overnight before. The year was 1999. It was May. It was finals week. I was attending the University of Iowa. I was naive. I was a 20 year old undergrad doing my best in communication studies.

My friends, Adam and Joe and I decided to get together to study in the library. The library at Iowa is a pretty massive place. There are five floors of books, maps, magazines, computers, angry librarians, nice librarians, and librarians still on the fence. On the fifth floor there are rows and rows of books. Along the walls are desks for studying. In one section of the library there are personal study rooms that are never open. I think they are for faculty who rent them out.

This particular night there happened to be one of them open. We were in luck! There was a translucent door (think milk carton). Inside the room was about four feet by six feet with a desk along the wall making an L. So, we came in and we sat. I opened my riveting Intercultural Communications textbook and began to read about the cultural communication difficulties of Australian wombat baby immigrants to America. Eventually, the room got toasty with our ferocious minds at work so we took our shirts off to study. Translucence allows for that. A little later we decided that we needed to get some Mexican food. Nothing goes better with a hot steamy cramped room and a couple of other dudes than Mexican food. We walked to Panchero’s and resisted the famous Two Pound Burrito and came back with our regular burritos to study and fart.

At about midnight Joe and Adam decided they needed to leave. I still had studying yet to do so I remained. This is when it got interesting. Alone in the translucent room I studied for about an hour longer. Then, because of my college sleeping habits I fell asleep, resting my head on my hands atop my book. I woke up a few minutes later and thought, “Whoa! Good thing I didn’t stay asleep longer, the library is closing soon.” I yawned and promptly fell back asleep.

I woke up a little stupefied because I now found myself in nearly complete darkness. I got my bearings. Okay, okay, I’m in the same library room I was in earlier tonight. I checked my watch, it was 2:26. The library had been closed for 26 minutes. Remain calm. Like an Australian wombat I now found myself in a strange situation. I could barely see through the translucent glass at the eerily calm World Languages section. Through the crack in the door I could see a device hanging from the ceiling with a red LED light flashing. I assumed it was either a smoke detector or a motion detector. For the sake of my permanent record I decided to assume it was a motion detector.

That left me with two options. One, walk out and be picked up by the motion detector and arrested for trying to kidnap Dewey Decimal. Two, wait in the room until morning and walk out as if I had just arrived that morning. Without much confidence, I chose the latter. I laid down on the desk with a hardback book as a pillow. I couldn’t help but think that this is how Thomas Jefferson slept the night before the Declaration of Independence. If you look today at the great document, you can see under Nicolas Cage’s fingerprints, a slight drool stain, a watermark if you will, from Jefferson himself.

I was startled awake by a figure jumping in front of the door. This time the lights were on. I couldn’t make out who the figure was, but he had the build of a custodian, whatever that build is. Then, I heard the man say in a stage whisper, “He’s still in there!” Again, unsure of what to do, I figured I could come out and say, “Hello. It is I the fabled haunting beast of the library,” or I could wait it out. So, I again decided that they will come back for me. I slept some more. I have an uncanny ability to sleep no matter what the situation.

About 20 minutes later I was aroused by knocking on the glass door. I could see the intimidating figures of two campus policeman. I opened the door. I’m not sure what is appropriate to say in that situation. “What can I do you for?” “Surprise!?” “No Solicitors please?” “It’s about time the maid service got in here.” “How ’bout that impending Y2K, huh?” I chose, “Uh…hi.”

They took down all my information and one of them called it back to headquarters using the radio clipped to his blue shirt. After being convinced that I was harmless they escorted me out and released me to the wild. I’m one of the only people I know to have survived such an ordeal. By that I mean the exact same ordeal. I’m sure they still have me on record.

Next prompt: What object is ninety degrees to the right of your computer screen?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

3 responses »

  1. habitgirl says:

    Well, once again I’ve gone and started reading your blog without my protractor, but, by my best guess it’s a lamp made out of a sewing machine. -Heather

  2. allan says:

    depends on which side. . .and since there is a certain tilt to the screen the accurate answer is more difficult to determine. i will say the ceiling, since few people ever consider the plastered surface covering their heads to be beside anything, let alone a computer monitor.

  3. Shanners says:

    Ha ha! Your library story made me laugh out loud (for real – I don’t use that term lightly!)

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