I did not post yesterday. Sorry, I got a little swamped. My apologies to my fan. Hey! There is less than one week for voting for Hot Hilarious Blogger. I’m in the finals against my rival, Matt “Go Suck A” Lemmon. Vote here to support me and unsupport Matt. Vote Here!bright teeth 2

For the last prompt I asked: Who had the greatest influence on you in a negative way?

That was apparently too personal and negative and I got no comments regarding that prompt. I did, however, get a pity comment. We accept those! There’s an old saying in my family that goes, “When a raccoon asks you what time it is, you tell him the time. You don’t give him your watch.” Of course that applies here. I have no idea what I’m typing right now. Apparently, my fingers think I grew up in Appalachia.

I will use Steve’s answer:

 

“No comments yet, so here’s one just to help your self-esteem.”

 

Thank you for your answer Steve, if I can call you that. My dad’s name is Steve, but I don’t think you’re him. Steve is short for Steven or Stephen. What is wrong with the English language? How does PH make a V sound? It also makes an F sound. If I could choose the spelling of my name it would be Jephph. People would be confused, but then they’d like me all the more, which would help greatly with my self esteem.

 

Here is a list of the funniest letters or letter combinations.

G-No matter what word G is in it’s funniness is enhanced 120%. Examples: Gary. Gubernatorial. Gandalf. Budge. Glen. Do you ever think about the fact that Glenn Close’s first name is Glenn. That leaves me with two thoughts, either her name is like the man’s name, Glen. This would ordinarily mean that she has light brown hair, a moustache, is a little overweight and likes the movie Wild Hogs. Or, her name is short for Glenda, which makes her a woman who loves paintings of wolves.

B- With the right combinations, this letter is hilarious. Bubba. Baby. Boisterous. It adds a certain power impact to every word. If B was a person it would be the guy who laughs at everything and gets red and teary eyed in the face. He wouldn’t necessarily be the funniest guy, but you would always want him around at the party.

PH-As mentioned before, it is the imposter combination. F was walking around happy with his place in life when Ph came sauntering in like it owned the place stealing F’s business left and right. Ph is like the two girls who matured over summer break before your junior year. You were doing pretty well and then all of the sudden P and H joined forces and stole all the cute boys.

GH-There is H again causing trouble. It’s a rabble rouser, if you will. It brings perfectly good letters down with it. It’s the drug dealer of letters. It recruits other letters with it’s smooth talk and promises and then makes them forget who they were. So GH comes around and is sometimes silent (but deadly), and sometimes even taking the F sound like in ‘tough’. Once again F gets screwed over.

Q-The most insecure of all the letters. Q started dating U at a pretty young age and now it can’t find it’s identity on it’s own. It has to go everywhere with you. It smothers U. When you wants some alone time or a night out with the vowels, Q says, “No, it’s okay. I’ll stay home and figure out something to do. I’ll probably watch some Grey’s.” But, U knows she doesn’t mean it. She’ll be calling at like 11:00 wondering where U is. U doesn’t want to leave Q, U just wants some freaking freedom.

Y-The drifter. Y prefers not to be known. He’s the one who invented, “And sometimes Y” when referring to the vowels. He has nicknames for everybody. He breezes in and out of town. He gets everyone’s hopes up and then he’s off to another word acting like a consonant. L has been heard to remark, “Y, I don’t even know you anymore.”

W-This is the spy for the words. The words drafted him to find out what’s going on with the letters. They needed to know before the letters congregated and made up a new word like “meh” without telling the words. You see, if you can spell a letter, it’s not a letter anymore it’s a word. W should be spelled out Double U. If people really knew what was going on it would make a lot of words look a lot different. Walrus would be Double Ualrus. Willow would be Double Uillodouble u. What? Exactly.

Next prompt: What what was the name of your favorite stuffed animal or doll when you were a kid?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

3 responses »

  1. Amanda says:

    This post was hilarious. Thanks for making my morning happy.

    My favorite stuffed animal was a panda bear named Andy. My dad brought Andy home for me when I was about one. I still have Andy. He is the one stuffed animal I allow to be visible in my room.

  2. Editor Matt says:

    Had a habit of naming my stuffed animals after the people who gave them to me. Uncle Myron Elephant, Barbara Bear, so forth. But my very favorite was a stuffed dog apparently from France because the tag said Le Mutt. So I named him Lee Mutt. Once I ripped half his nose off.

  3. Mitch says:

    I was an odd child and never named any of my stuffed animals or dolls.

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