Where are my party people? Throw your hands in the air. It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means! Two for Tuesday! You hear one Amy Grant hit, you’re guaranteed to hear another right after it. What’s that? You heard Right Said Fred? Well, stick around we’ve got them comin’ right back at ya! old-man

For my last prompt I asked: What is something memorable that one of your grandparents say/said?

 

I will use Jarrett’s “answer”:

 

“nice. voted”

 

It’s important to have grandparents that teach you your civic duties. It’s an odd thing, I suppose, to remember that in particular. In fifth grade we had to do an assignment as if we were running for office. My slogan was, “If you’re votin’ make it Houghton.” For those of you that don’t know, Houghton is pronounced Ho-ton. So, that pretty much rhymes. Many people want to pronounce it Huffton or Huton (like Houston) or Hooton or Hey Jackwad, get off my Lawn-ton.

 

The story of the Houghtons coming to America is a good one. It is steeped in legend. 

In 1794 Lancaster Houghton and his wife, Alabaster stepped off the boat after months of travel across the great ocean from England. Lancaster was a habadasher by trade, meaning he made and sold hats. They say that the Lidz store in the mall most closely resembles his store in the old country. His store was called Your Head It Is Naked, Kind Sir. The newly arrived Houghtons settled in upstate New York. Lancaster couldn’t find work habadashering so he worked in the zinc mines. The lifeguarding business was strong at the time and zinc was used to protect their noses from the great ball of heat in the sky. Alabaster birthed seven children, Theodore, Peter, Lucinda, Porcelain, Samuel, and Chuck. 

Theodore left the mines at the age of 20. He dreamed of bigger things. Eventually, he settled in Ohio where he was a lake digger. He took ponds and turned them into lakes and took lakes and turned them into good lakes and he took good lakes and turned them into Great Lakes. He found a woman there who he very nearly killed. She had been swimming in a lake that he was digging. Her name was Persephanie. Her mother was a baker and her father was a Merman. Together Theodore and Persephanie had but one child, Bruce. Oh, how they cherished that child. 

Bruce took his father’s digging expertise and put it to use drilling for oil off the coast of Louisiana. One day a man came to him and told him that there was an asteroid heading for earth that could darn near wipe it out. Bruce offered to help. He didn’t know too much about space, but he knew how to drill into rock. Bruce got together a ragtag group of oil riggers and flew into space. They drilled down into the asteroid and put a nuclear weapon down there. Only problem was, there was a malfunction and Bruce had to sacrifice himself for the good of all the humans on the planet.  They year was 1890.

Luckily for the Houghtons he had a daughter with weird lips named Liv Tyler. She fell in love with a man named Ben because he played with animal crackers on her chest. Ben loved her so much that he took her last name of Houghton. He’s not as well respected now as he once was. The two of them had three sons, Jeremiah, Landon, and Prius.

Prius decided he wanted to settle down from the activities of his family. He just invested in the stock market. He was a day trader. He and his wife, Eleanor Roosevelt Houghton had two kids, Francine and Tucker. After the great stock market crash of 1929 Prius drove himself off a cliff in a car with excellent gas mileage. 

Tucker was heartbroken so he enlisted in the Army. Unfortunately, the only Army that would take a twelve year old was Poland. Unfortunately, Poland was invaded by Germany three days later. Fortunately, Tucker was wily. He escaped to Amsterdam under the name Anne Frank. Unfortunately, he took the name of a Jewish girl. He lived in an attic for a few years before escaping back to America by paddleboat. Upon coming full circle he lived a prosperous life after inventing the hula hoop. He had one child, Gary.

Gary was a tool.

Gary did, find a long lost twin named Steve. Steve was a carpenter by trade. He was an all around fix it man. He had four kids with his wife, Fedora. Cari, Jeff, Jon, and Scott.

Jeff is me.

Next prompt: What is first on your list of things you’ve been meaning to get to, but you keep putting off?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

One response »

  1. allan says:

    taking a shower. my wife keeps telling me i probably have rabies since i completely avoid water, but really i am just keeping busy to do my part in water preservation efforts. they recommend five minute showers; well i take np showers so there!

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