Are you ready for some mediocre writing to lighten your mediocre day? That sounds sad. Let’s see if this can exceed expectations!

For my last prompt I asked: What is a tattoo you have or would like to have?

I will use Tiffany’s answer:

 

“My latest tattoo is “Libera nos a malo”, written down my spine. It is latin for “Deliver us from evil”. My mom, not being a fan of tattoos, inquired, “Why couldn’t you just get saved?” Thanks, mom.”

 

It’s always a very risky thing to get a tattoo of something in a different language. You never really know what it says. I would like to get a tattoo of a Chinese symbol that means ‘Chinese symbol.’ With my luck I would get one that looks cool and everything but actually says, “I’m covering up a hideous birthmark.” You ever realize that people always say, ‘with my luck,’ and then describe how they have bad luck? Surely, not everyone has bad luck. Yet, most people talk as if they do. If the universe is overall neutral then there have to be people that have good luck all the time. There has to be, right? Right?

 

I imagine they would say things like:

With my luck, it would have been sunny the whole time we were in Hawaii.

With my luck, the short line next to me at the grocery store would have actually taken longer than my line.

With my luck, the cars in traffic in front of me mistook me for a police car and got out of the way.

With my luck, the government made a mistake and starting giving me my social security checks when I turned 25. When I told them about it they said, ‘Oops. Well, it’s too late to correct it now.’

With my luck, I forgot to put on sunscreen, but instead of burning I just turned tan and somehow lowered my chances of skin cancer.

With my luck, my boss would probably catch me blogging while working and ask if he could pay me for the work I was doing.

 

Here are some Latin phrases translated into English:

plurbis toolus corolla    “Look at that tool in the Corolla.”

ancestra odiferus cellarus  “All grandparents’ basements smell the same.”

softus podiarus non fashiona   “Crocs”

latin non americus     “No one in Latin America speaks Latin.”

mano e mano e ma   “Two and a Half Men”

sucks                             “sucks”

pluribus       “What is the deal with head rests in a car? They are a misnomer. They should be called head anti-rests. How about one that is soft and accepting of your head for once. I want to be able to sleep in the car and not have to hope to run into a chiropractor at the next Conoco. Seriously, throw me a bone here Hyundai. I’m looking at you too, Ford. Stop hiding behind him Mercury, you’re not so great yourself. What if cars came with pillows. Instead of giving $4,500 to buy a new car, how about you give me a $4,500 head rests and we’ll call it even.”

non melanoma bloggerius   “pale blogger”

Next prompt: What is the last thing a co-worker said to you?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

3 responses »

  1. Tiffany says:

    “Sookie is mine.” Apparently we’ve got a lot of True Blood fans around here.

  2. Michelle says:

    Last thing that was said to me by a co-worker warning me about another co-worker: “She will not hesitate to rat you out.”

    Wonderful.

  3. habitgirl says:

    I don’t really have co-workers, but I did just say out loud, “Mother of Pearl!” because I stubbed my toe on my printer cart. Does that count?

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