Have I appropriately conveyed how excited I am about the lineup for the next Mystery Hour? Both of the guests are legitimate big deals. You should come to this show.Lemmon_Houghton_1984_F

For the last prompt I asked: What is your favorite type of gum?

I’ll use Dan’s answer:

 

“I really like Big League Chew–grape is my favorite flavor– but I don’t even know where to find it anymore. Plus I think it is impractical to carry around a large pouch of gum with you in your adult life.

The second runner-up in my gum preferences has to be Ka-Bluey’s. Also from my childhood, these blue gumballs came in a metal pail with a plastic lid, were blue raspberry flavored (btw, do blue raspberries really exist??), and they purposely turned your entire mouth the brightest shade of blue; more than you would think possible, actually.”

 

Big League Chew, the gum that made you feel like a major league baseball player…with cancer of the mouth. I wonder if Big League Chew led to more chewing tobacco addictions like candy cigarettes with smoking as adults. The fun with Big League Chew was seeing how much you could fit in your mouth. Come to think of it, a lot of my childhood was spent trying to see how much sugar would fit in my mouth. The Sour Balls candy, suicide mixes at fountain drinks, Pop Rocks, pixie sticks.

 

If candy went to high school together this is how it would look. This is a description, plus their favorite quote.

-Big League Chew would be the dumb jock. He would always be trying to hit on Twizzlers. “Come on Twizz, it’s time to step up to the Big League.”

-Twizzlers is the hot girl that everyone wants a piece of. “Oh my gosh. Check out Starburst’s new packaging. Who does she think she is?”

-Craisins would be the class clown. You would never know what he was going to do because he’s ‘crazy.’ “I totally just pantsed a freshman. Where’s my moped?”

-Jolly Rancher would be the eagle scout with too much time on his hands. “Guys, let’s just think for a minute. There’s got to be a sensible way out of this.”

-Milk Duds would be the druggy. ‘Hey man, keep me away from the light or I’ll get all stuck together.”

-Mike and Ike’s would be the ones everyone has questions about. “Lay off guys. This is how we were made.”

-The orange wrapper peanut thing would be the weird guy from out of town who only visits on Halloween. “Hey guys, what are we doing tonight? What’s going on? I’m only in town for a little bit.”

-Werther’s Original is the guy who hangs on to high school too long. He graduated a long time ago. “I keep getting older, but the Skittles stay the same age.”

-Mr. Goodbar is the cool teacher who sometimes swears in front of the students. “S**** guys, you crack me up.”

-Tootsie Pop is the one everyone feels like is hiding something on the inside, but never lets on. “In my old town, I was on the jiu jitsu team…maybe.”

-Three Musketeers is the one always looking for a fight. “He looked at me crazy man. He looked at me. I can’t just let that go. I’ve got to keep my street cred.”

-Chewy Spree started out as regular Spree, but over the summer turned chewy and hot. “Why do all the boys talk to me all of the sudden?”

-Junior Mints can’t wait until senior year. “I can’t wait until senior year.”

-Krackel is the one who hasn’t developed yet, but all the girls think is adorable because of it. He’s fun size. “Ladies, please. There’s enough Krackel to go around. Or is there?”

-Bubblicious didn’t last long. She moved and no one has seen her for a long time. “Look me up on Facebook, y’all.”

Next prompt: What was the last voicemail you checked about?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

2 responses »

  1. Dan says:

    The last voicemail I received was utterly useless. My coworker Justin called to say that he “had a question” for me…but he didn’t let on as to what the question entailed. So i just wasted a minute and a half going thru automated voicemail menus just to find out that he wants me to call him back, which I would have done anyway.

    Pfft…some people…

  2. Amanda says:

    I honestly can’t remember when my last voicemail even was. Apparently I always answer the phone. It seems I need to work on my aloofness and unavailability.

    This post made me laugh out loud at work.

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