September 21, 2009

Hey, hey, I’m back! I was under the weight of a pile of blood last week. Nevermind, that sounds bad. I had a big blood drive at Missouri State University. I am now free from it. We collected nearly 1,200 donations of blood. Not too shabby. I’m back on the old blogging horse. big chair

For the last prompt (way back when) I asked: What is your third greatest fear?

I will use Shanners answer:

 

“I loved Full House! Ha ha!
Third fear? That’s random. I had to think through what the first 2 would be to realize which fear would be third. I’m going to go w/ being bit or stung by a venomous creature.
I can handle bites that aren’t too serious, like mosquito bites. But I’m afraid of brown recluse, black widow, rattlesnake, or copperhead bites – or any other of the more serious types of bites including very large and/or rabid animals. I have, however been bitten by a young tiger, which was also scary, but not life-threatening and, ultimately didn’t break the skin but left a bruise.”

 

Venomous animals have such cool names. Black Widow, Copperhead, Rattlesnake, Brown Recluse. The name alone strikes fear into people’s hearts. People are just people, or humans. No matter how scary a person is they will still have a harmless name like Paul, or Nathan, or Brenda. Animal names tell you what they are, what they do, and what they’ll do to you. A black spider that kills your husband is a black widow. A spider that is brown that you don’t want to mess with because they haven’t been socialized right is a brown recluse. It’s simple.

 

Here are some good animal names for me using that formula:

White Tickler

The Great Slap and Run Awayer

Average Looking Indian Leg Wrestler

Skinny Yo’ Mamma Joke

Jiggle Thigh Bugles Eater

 

Do you ever wonder why some flies bite? I get why mosquitos bite, it has something to do with needing blood. I get why venomous snakes bite, something to do with wanting to kill you. I don’t get why flies bite, it just ticks me off. Some of them don’t, but some of them do. They’re just trying to be jerks, plain and simple. And if the fly’s only weakness is being on a window, why do they spend so much time on windows? Sometimes, I’ll have one in my car in a parking lot and I will attempt to free it by opening the door, only to have the fly just keep ramming it’s head up against the window. Whenever they land on you they rub their legs together like their scheming something big, or maybe their trying to create enough heat with the friction and then smack you with hot hands, or maybe they’re wearing corduroy pants and enjoy the sound.

Or maybe, just maybe, flies are jerks.

Next prompt: What is your favorite memory of a rainy day?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

2 responses »

  1. Dan says:

    I always like listening to thunderstorms. There can be quite the doozy of a thunderstorm in PA where I grew up. There’s nothing like a big booming thunderstorm.

    One thing I never understood is why parents/adults in general tell kids lies about what makes thunder. “God and the angels are bowling,” “God is playing drums,” or my personal favorite that my Uncle Jim told me once “the angels are stomp-dancing.”

    First of all, though I like the sport, I can’t imagine that’s how I’d want to spend eternity in heaven…bowling.

    Second, if God is indeed playing drums, He can’t keep a beat to save his life (no puns there).

    Third, come on. Stomp dancing was not popular back in the 1960’s, let alone Biblical times or earlier at the beginning of all time. So I can’t imagine angels stomp-dancing, either.

    I think we should give kids a little credit and at least try to explain what really makes thunder. And if we can’t, then try making up something better than those lame-o excuses. How about this…thunder is caused by the sound of cannon fire in a giant heavenly game of Risk.

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