October 30, 2009

Mystery Hour, the show, is one week from today! Be there——–>

No comments for the last one. That’s okay, I’m wearing a three piece suit today. Sometimes a girl just wants to feel pretty. The vest alone has three pockets. This is a three piece suit I got at a vintage store, cheap. Yet, it fits me so well it is as if it has been tailored for me. I feel like my idea of a banker.

 

These are fun things to say that I only say while dressed in a three piece suit:

“Where’s my brandy?”

“I can only find the respite I yearn for in the solarium.”

“Sell, sell, sell!”

“I don’t give a damn what the papers say. They’re not the ones who run this company.”

“I spilled Miracle Whip on my vest.”

“You tell the President that he’ll have to be on hold a little longer.”

“Rascal Flatts? Never heard of ’em.”

“Try some of my elixir, your warts will be gone in no time, or my name isn’t Phineas Worthenheimer III.”

 

For Halloween, here is an article I wrote for the satire site, Fair City News. If you’re from out of town, there is a legend regarding a spooky place called the Albino Farm north of Springfield.

ALBINO FARM TO OPEN TANNING SALON 

Springfield, MO—Legendary spook site, the Albino Farm at Springlawn Farm, has a brand new surprise for the area, a tanning salon. Albi-No-More is set to open this Saturday, the 31st. The so-called Albino Farm has for years been notorious in legend for being haunted, by either an albino ghost caretaker, or an albino ghost family, depending on who is telling you the story.The present day owner of the property, Jerry Overholser, thought it was time for a change. “I’m plum tired of teenagers sneaking around on the property,” explained Overholser. “I figured if I can’t get the teenagers out of the albino farm, I’ll get the albino’s out of the albino farm.”Overholser is hoping to begin a different perspective on the property.

 Albi-No-More is planned to have four standard beds, one Mystic spray-on tanning room, and one super powered machine designed specifically for modern day albinos called Burnt Toast. The interior is decorated with inspirational before and after pictures, with a picture of an albino on the left and a picture of the same albino glowing red on the right. Albinos, by the way, will get a special punch card for one free tan after enduring nine. At the grand opening they plan to give away Oreos, with the cream licked out to the first 100 customers.
Standing near the newly asphalted parking lot, teenager Troy Spelster, is not in favor of the new plan. “I’ve had some of my best times on the Albino Farm. Ain’t nothing scary about a copper bronzed ghost chasing you.”
According to Overholser that’s exactly the idea, “A brand new, well lit steel building with office furniture, a wide variety of oils, and watts and watts of UV rays won’t scare off anybody. Well, unless you’re scared of cancer I suppose.”

Next prompt: What have you spent most of your day doing today?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

3 responses »

  1. allan says:

    working and working and working. no rest for the wicked. . . . or the wickedly poor.

  2. Shanners says:

    I’d like to see that 3 piece suit someday. Are you going to wear it to the Mystery Hour?
    To answer your question, I spent the first part of the day volunteering at my kids’ school. I took a lot of pictures of “crazy hair day” (part of red ribbon week) for the yearbook. I also took pictures of the kindergarten classes making root beer. I also took pictures of my daughter, who got student of the month in her class. Yay! 🙂
    Then I came home and spent way too much time looking up old clips of the Ellen Degeneres Show, and not enough time doing laundry. My favorite clips were of Ellen interviewing Dakota Fanning, Pink, and Kellie Pickler. 🙂

  3. […] Jeff’s spooky spoof… For Halloween, here is an article I wrote for the satire site, Fair City News. If you’re from out of town, there is a legend regarding a spooky place called the Albino Farm […]

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