November 30, 2009

Welcome back to work from Thanksgiving, or as I like to call it, Thanksdriving. Hopefully the holiday was full of merriment and good times.

Can you believe that The Mystery Hour is this Friday night? Will the gifts of the holiday season ever cease? Check out the guests—->>>> Rumor has it that John Tesh is going to be in town at Juanita K. Let’s see if we can get everyone from his show to come over to ours after the show. I’ll shine the Tesh alert bugle.

For the last prompt I asked: What is something you overheard during Thanksgiving?

I’ll use Allan’s answer:

 

““i’ve designed a time machine, i just need to get all the parts and test it far away in case it blows up.” -my eight year old cousin talking about wanting to be a scientist.”

 

That’s a better quote than I could have hoped for. Amanda’s quote was pretty darn good as well. You’ve got to love the mind of a child, so full of hope, and optimism, and arson. Often people will wonder if we are ever going to build a time machine. I say, wouldn’t we know about it? If they’re traveling back in time, I would think the past would be aware of it, unless of course they were sneaky. Mostly what I think of when it comes to time traveling is how I could bring modern technology with me and make people think that I’m a wizard of some sort.

 

I can imagine being dropped outside of a village in the middle ages. I walk into the village, past houses made of stone with thatched rooftops, it’s cloudy and the town has a smell of manure, fire, and mold. It’s like an outdoor unfinished basement. I walk carrying a state of the art microwave in my arms. A man runs up to me.

Man: Sir, sir, what have you there?

Me: Hey man, it’s a microwave.

Man: A microwave? I know not of what you speak.

Me: It’s a microwave. It can cook the meat the woman over there is cooking over a fire, in only a matter of minutes.

Man: Is that so? That is amazing!

Me: Yes, yes it is.

A crowd of poor, dirty, hungry peasants gather around forming a crowd

Woman: Tell us more!

Me: You see, all you have to do is put the meat inside this chamber, then press the numbers to determine how long you want the meat to cook, and there you have it!

Woman: How do you know this? How do you have this box of magic?

Me: I cannot say how I acquired this ‘box of magic,’ just let it be known across the countryside that it is I who possess this power. Don’t you think it is amazing?

All: Yes!

Me: Don’t you think it is magical?

All: Yes! Yes!

Me: Don’t you think that I contain some sort of magical power, like that of a wizard or sorcerer?

Silence

Man: That may be a bit much. That’s a pretty outrageous claim

Me: What? Have I explained to you the defrost? It’s fantastical! It’s beyond comprehension! It’s…

Woman: All you’ve done is told us what it does. Anyone can make stuff up if you’re just talking about it. Did you know that when I close my eyes I’m a tiger?

Child: The ocean is made from my tears!

Man: Hee hee! Yeah! Someday there is going to be away to predict the weather by determining the speed at which a specific weather pattern is moving toward or away from a specific point.

Me: That’s doppler radar.

Woman: Prove to us your wizardry!

Me: Alright, fine.

I set the microwave down on a stone, grab a piece of meat and place it in the container.

Me: Now all, The Yellow Wizard will heat this meat in front of your very eyes!

Man: Did you come up with that nickname yourself?

Woman: Yeah, you can’t do that. Someone else has to give it to you. That’s just wrong. Not cool.

Me: I didn’t make it up, my brother Scott gave it to me.

Man (coughing): Made up name!

Woman: Why would you even choose that name? Yellow wizard? That’s really dumb.

Me: Anyway, the man before you with wizardry powers will now cook this meat.

Man: Hardly.

I stop to press the buttons some more.

Me: It’s not working. It needs to be plugged in…do any villagers have an extension cord for the wizard to use?

Woman: A what? Is that another nickname?

Me: I need to take it into a villager’s home. Does anyone have an outlet, preferably grounded for safety?

Man: It doesn’t work! You are not a wizard!

Me: Okay, okay, but if you press the numbers it makes beeping noises. See? Beep beep-oh beep beep be beep. Beeps are amazing if you’ve never heard them before, right?

Woman: You’re making those noises with your mouth.

I recognize defeat

Me: What if I would have brought a small rectangle you can hold in your hand that plays music?

Man: Oh, then we would have deemed you a wizard.

Me: Oh. That would have not been as heavy.

In a cruel twist of fate, the villagers burned the microwave in a fire pit generally used to prepare food.

Next prompt: Where do you hide your valuables? No reason. Just curious.

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

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