January 20, 2010

I’m back. I had to take some ‘me’ time to go find myself. Here I am.

Check out this video. It is round one of my public feud with KY3 weatherman, Dave Snider. He started it. This might be the funniest thing we’ve done. I can say this because it was all Dave Snider being hilarious.

For the last prompt I asked: What is the worst/best/most mediocre pick up line you’ve heard?

I’ll use Allan’s answer:

“Happy Anniversary! how many years have you been together? Well now I have to buy you that many drinks! *creepy wink*”

Yes, Allan, that is extremely creepy. There is nothing worse than a creepy wink. I bet that 82% of all winks are indeed creepy. The main exception being a wink from a grandma, they’re just sweet. I was thinking of doing a story about a guy who can’t wink very well, so it just looks like he’s blinking, but I’m deciding against it in order to go with the anniversary portion of the answer.

You know what’s stupid? The listing of wedding anniversary gifts by year. You know? Each year you are supposed to get your spouse a different kind of gift, based on what year anniversary it is. For example, Year 25 is silver. That is great and all, but the ones leading up to it are pretty ridiculous.  However, I’m a great gift giver, so people often ask me my advice. Here are my ideas for husbands not sure what to get their wives for each anniversary.

Listing of anniversary year and gift:

1. Paper. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: Paper mache sculpture of your wife’s face. Affix it to the wall in the living room

2. Cotton. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: A romantic getaway to a Bed and Breakfast near a cotton field, with an early morning excursion to pick cotton for the day.

3. Leather. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: An old cow.

4. Fruit or flowers. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: All expense paid trip to the Golden Corral Salad Bar.

5. Wood. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: A handsaw and a path to your neighbor’s tree that dumps leaves in your yard.

6. Iron. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: An iron, with a pile of your clothes.

7. Wool or copper. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: Why not both? A sheep that died of copper poisoning

8. Bronze. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: Two free passes for Mystic Tanning.  It says, Let’s look hot, without the cancer.

9. Pottery. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: Turn your bonus room into a kiln.

10. Tin or aluminum. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: A trip to the recycling center where you play the game, try not to get stung by the bees.

11. Steel. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: Magnolias

12. Silk or linen. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: 12 silk worms

13. Lace. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: A year’s supply of doilies.

14. Ivory. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: Poach an elephant, put it in the garage.

15. Crystal. Jeff’s Hot Gift Idea: Find an old lady at an old folks home named Crystal. Put her in a box. Wrap the box. Poke holes in the box. Surprise wife. Research Medicaid Part D.

Next prompt: What song was in your head most recently?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

5 responses »

  1. Matt says:

    Walking on Sunshine. Stupid Glee.

  2. Shanners says:

    Bad Romance – Lady Gaga. It’s quite catchy. 🙂

  3. Amanda says:

    Empire State of Mind – Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. I kept whistling it at Walmart.

  4. Michelle says:

    Please please please don’t get me an all expense paid trip to the Golden Corral Salad Bar for our next anniversary…. please.!?

    Fleet Foxes- Blue Ridge Mountains. (Jenn and I call them the Fleeties)

  5. sarahj83 says:

    “That’s all right momma” by Elvis. Seriously. was singing it to myself before work yesterday. it makes me feel better to think Elvis is giving me permission to have an awesome day 🙂

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