February 16, 2010

I’m back!!! I have fully recovered from organizing a 1,000 person blood drive at Missouri State University. There is a direct negative correlation between lives saved at my blood drives and blog postings. That’s all in the past, you forgive me, I forgive you. Don’t ask why you are forgiven, just be happy you are forgiven. As if you don’t know.

I’ve got three, count ’em, three videos uploaded from the last show. Usually, that takes many months. Here is the latest What is G. Norm Saying?! It might be the best, especially because you can see the audience reaction. They go crazy for some G. Norm.

For the last prompt I asked: What is something memorable you have had stolen?

I will use Dan’s answer:

“In 2nd grade I had a shark tooth stolen from me when I brought it for show and tell one day. One minute it was sitting on my desk, and then when I went to the coat cubby to get my coat and backpack at the end of the day, I came back to find it gone…GONE!!

I went around looking for it on the ground all around my desk and on the way to and from the coat closet, but to no avail. I even asked some of those snot-nosed kids who called themselves my friends. They said they hadn’t seen it. That was when I realized they weren’t my friends, but simply my classmates.

That was a heavy day in Mrs. Pavuk’s 4th grade class.”

Dan, thanks for sharing. The Mystery Hour takes this very seriously, there will be grief counselors on hand. First off, how did you get a shark tooth? What follows is a series of diary entries from the main characters in the story.

Charles, The Shark

Tuesday, April 18, 1990

So I’m swimming around today minding my own business, looking at the tail going by. Darlene is looking hot, hot, hot. I think she’s been eating well. I had a fight with the old lady, so I was venturing around, anything to get out of the cove. The old lady is like, “Come back when you have something positive to provide for this family.” I’m heading into the harbor aways, when I see one of those TV cameras, with Discovery Channel on the side. This can me only one thing, Shark Week, or as we sharks like to say, “Reality TV.” I decide I’ll get on camera by eating someone., show the old lady I have some worth. I zero in on a gelatinous thigh. The victim struggles, and next thing I know it got away. I move my tongue around my mouth, and sure enough 2,999 teeth.


Thursday, October 11, 1992

I got a shark tooth. It’s from a real shark. Like the kind in the water. My mom says she got it from a tourist store in Ft. Lauderdale, but I’m pretty sure she got it from a pirate. I wonder if I can eat with it.

Saturday, October 13, 1992

Experiment failed, duct tape does not stick to roof of mouth or gums. Tongue has been punctured.

Thursday, October 25, 1992

It’s show and tell tomorrow, you know what that means. That’s right, the whole class will marvel at my shark tooth, most of all Tracy. They’ll probably give me a cool nickname like, Sea Carnivore. Still can’t eaty citrusy or salty foods without pain.

Friday, October 26, 1992

Disaster! My shark tooth is gone! One minute it was sitting on my desk, and then when I went to the coat cubby to get my coat and backpack at the end of the day, I came back to find it gone…GONE!! I looked everywhere, from my desk to my cubby, from my cubby to my desk, inside my backpack, outside my backpack. I found a fingernail, that’s it. Whoever stole this will rue the day! They will rue it! It will be rued! I will never forget this. I bet it was Marcus “The Dorkus” Newman. He’s been missing a front tooth for a year, and rumors are that it won’t grow back because he eats Pixie sticks and Sugar Daddies for breakfast.

Marcus “The Dorkus” Newman

Friday, October 26, 1992

It wasn’t me.


Friday, October 26, 1992

I totally came home from school today and brushed my hair.

Saturday, October 27, 1992

Oh yeah, yesterday, right after recess, I was minding my own business when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, on the floor, in Dan’s backpack, under a napkin. When no one was looking, I took it. It wasn’t because I needed it or anything, I think I just have issues. I grabbed it and put it in my backpack, under a napkin. Meanwhile, Dan is looking everywhere shouting, “My tooth! My tooth! Where is my tooth?! I was supposed to be Sea Carnivore!” Or something like that. It was pitiful. It seems like something he’ll remember like 15 years later and still be upset. He is just a classmate, not a friend. I took the tooth home and I taped it to my cat, Mr. Filibuster, so that he could be a saber toothed tiger. It’s awesome, Mr. Filibuster hates it. I made my sister dress up like a caveman and chase him with a baseball bat. My mom is taking me to see a psychologist next week.

Mr. Filibuster

Saturday, October 27, 1992

What the f*&@, man?

Mrs. Pavuk

Saturday, October 27, 1992

That was a heavy day.

Next prompt: How did you celebrate President’s Day?


About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

4 responses »

  1. Matt says:

    I skipped lunch and watched 24.

  2. danclair says:

    This President’s Day I worked, taught an improv class, watched an improv class, ate tacos, and then watched the movie 500 Days of Summer. Favorite quote from the movie:

    “He’s some guy she met at the gym with Brad Pitt’s face and Jesus’ abs.”

    I wonder whether Jesus was physically fit or not. He may have been a little pudgy for all we know…

  3. Tiffany says:

    I watched Cake Boss with my 4-year-old son, who proceeded to tell me that he wanted a “big, big cake”. I told him to call his grandma! We did end up at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house. My son asked for a big, big cake and got a pancake. Close enough, I guess.

  4. Amanda says:

    I went to the Blockbuster store that is closing on Independence (it’s where I had my first job, tear) and bought 9 DVDs for $55! That’s like $6 per DVD! Then I watched the Olympics. Snowboard cross is pretty sweet.

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