March 30, 2010

You may have noticed that I was gone for a week. I was, in fact, out of the country. But, I am back and I am jet lagged. The clock says 4:00, but my body says it’s never.

The Mystery Hour is Friday night! Every so often we have a show that seems like an episode from a real talk show, and this is one of them. A former major league baseball player and actresses from a film that won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance Film Festival? Yep.

Let’s bring it down a notch. Way back when for my last prompt I asked, “Who do you talk to the most on the phone?”

I will use Tiffany’s answer:

“Since nobody has taken the time to comment on this one yet, I shall take pity.

I have a tie on the person I call the most: my father and my ex-husband/baby daddy/current boyfriend. That’s right, he’s all 3. I’ll give you a moment…

Anyways, they are my two most-often talked to. My father is my advisor on all things in life (he’s my guru) and my significant other is just fun to talk to.”

It’s not often one person can have three such prominent titles, I’m soaking it in. The closest I’ve ever come is husband, friend, and non-licensed dentist. Don’t ask.

Here are some different things you might say to a man who is an ex husband, baby daddy, or current boyfriend and his response depending on which hat he is wearing when you ask.

“Chuck, take out the trash.”

Ex husband: “You take it out woman.”

Current boyfriend: “I would love to. I’ll miss you while I’m at the curb.”

Baby daddy: “Okay, but don’t expect me to put a new bag in the can.”

“Where are my keys? I can’t find my keys. Chuck, do you know where my keys are?”

EH: “Yes, but I’m not telling.”

CB: “Well, I know they’re not right next to your heart because that’s where I am.”

BD: “Yes, but don’t expect me to give you a ride.”

“I don’t know who to vote for on American Idol tonight”

EH: “I’ve already been voted off.”

CB: “Oooh, I don’t know. Let’s vote together. You dial one number and then I’ll do the next. We’ll make the decision together.”

BD: I’ll tell you, but don’t expect me to hang around for the results show.”

“It’s a beautiful day, I can’t believe spring is already here!”

EH: “It’s raining here.”

CB: “The flowers are blossoming, just like our love.”

BD: “Yes it is, but don’t expect me to frolic.”

“What movie do you want to see this weekend?”

EH: “The Blindside”

CB: “Precious”

BD: “Hot Tub Time Machine”

Next prompt: What is on your computer desktop that doesn’t need to be?”


About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

5 responses »

  1. Jenn says:

    This 3-in-1 Man post is one of my favorites!

    I have this pointless little Apple Safari icon on my desktop. I have a low-end PC, and I think Apple somehow managed to sneak this icon onto my desktop to taunt me. When I try to open Safari, all I see it this dumb little Mac-looking spinning wheel that does NOTHING but spin and silently say to me, “You are a loser. You bought a PC. Macs are superior. I am superior. Your silly little Dell can’t even use me…watch me spin and remember that you are a loser.” Makes me want to punch my fist through my computer screen and go buy a Mac, even though I HATE Macs.

  2. Amanda says:

    Nothing – I keep my desktop very clean and streamlined. It only contains things that I use everyday or documents that I’m still working on.

  3. danclair says:

    I have a picture on my desktop of a hamster hanging from a length of twine, with my former boss’s face photoshopped onto it, with a caption that says “Hang in there!”

    No joke. I can email it to you if you don’t believe me.

  4. Matt says:

    A screen capture of Robert E. Smith in a Santa outfit (and some other dude) standing on a doorstep. The very height of non-necessity.

  5. tiffany says:

    Thank you for truly appreciating how crazy our situation truly is! And you somehow captured all 3 of his personalities! Well done!

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