April 1, 2010

I find myself in a bunker with only my laptop, a half sipped bottle of Big Red Soda, and a can of fat free Pringles. I see out my window and it appears that the world has ended. There is nothing left…haha! April Fools’ Day! Oh man, I had you going. You should have seen your face! You were like…wait…what…is he being serious? I’m good, you’re an idiot.

A couple of big things. One, national touring stand up comedian Loni Love is performing at the Gillioz on Friday night. You would know her from VH1’s “I Love the ’80’s,” etc. We don’t often get her caliber here in Springfield. Plus, a bonus, I’ll be opening for her. I’m pretty excited. For more info go to www.gillioztheatre.org

Here she in action:

Plus, we have a great Mystery Hour planned! Actors from the film Winter’s Bone will be there. I talked to them yesterday, it’s going to be good. Did I mention that it won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance?  Here’s some info.

Not to mention Scott Bailes, city councilman and former major leaguer.

So, for the last prompt I asked: What is currently on your computer desktop.

I will use Jenn’s answer:

“This 3-in-1 Man post is one of my favorites!

I have this pointless little Apple Safari icon on my desktop. I have a low-end PC, and I think Apple somehow managed to sneak this icon onto my desktop to taunt me. When I try to open Safari, all I see it this dumb little Mac-looking spinning wheel that does NOTHING but spin and silently say to me, “You are a loser. You bought a PC. Macs are superior. I am superior. Your silly little Dell can’t even use me…watch me spin and remember that you are a loser.” Makes me want to punch my fist through my computer screen and go buy a Mac, even though I HATE Macs.”

Apple is sneaky, very sneaky. If I was a lonely person I would dress up like an Iphone and put out of focus icons on my bare torso. Then I would tell people that if you want to see it more clearly you have to ‘zoom in’. Forget I just said that.

I have a mac at home and that spinning wheel is never a welcome sight. I hate it when the computer is slow, usually it happens when you are also on the phone telling somebody you’ll find something quick for them.

Here is a progression of the things I say to the computer out of frustration when it is slow.

-“Come on!”

-“What are you doing?! Why is this taking so long? You were just working a minute ago!”

-“I don’t understand you! I have no idea how you work! I could understand if you had to get information from one point to another over a long distance, but this, I don’t understand!”

-“I will throw you! I will just end it!”

-“Oh, look a phone book. Yes, I am looking up the number to the computer recycling place. Do you want to come back a Teddy Ruxpin?”

-“You’ve ruined pinwheels for me forever. Explain to my future innocent child why Daddy won’t play pinwheels with her”

-“Do you want money? What could I pay you? What kind of currency do you use?!”

-“Okay, I’ll be nice. What do you want? Do you want me to degfragment you? I’ll do it. How ’bout a new mouse pad? One with a beach view?”

-“I hate you”

-“I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry”

-“I said, sorry, that’s not good enough?”

-” You’re doing this on purpose.”

-“I loathe you.”

-“I’m leaving.”

-“Okay, I’m back. That was a trick to get you to finish while I was gone.”

-“Is it me? Am I too demanding? Have I been watching too many stupid videos?

-I’m done”

-“I despise you with the power of a thousand suns, but not our sun, I’m talking bigger suns! Huge suns! Suns that give you a sunburn while you’re inside! If you were a dog I would have had you fixed by now! If you were a tissue I would flush you down the toilet, where you don’t belong and you’ll be trying to soak up the moisture, but there’s so much moisture, it’s overwhelming, and you’ll be spinning and spinning down the toilet, and you’ll have some idea of what I’m going through.”

-“Oh, you’re done. Thank you.”

-“Now I can see the Justin Bieber Wikipedia page.”

Next prompt: What is your favorite thing about Spring?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

2 responses »

  1. Amanda says:

    Pink and white tree blossoms!

  2. Shanners says:

    Great show last night! 🙂
    My favorite thing about spring is EVERYTHING – except the allergies and tornados. I love all the flowers, plants and trees in bloom, the warmer weather, the sense of something to look forward to, Easter, rain, family birthdays. There’s more, but I’ll stop there. 🙂 Happy Spring!

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