April 9, 2010

I’m back. Guard your souls.

For the last prompt I asked, “What is your favorite thing about the spring?

I’ll use Shanner’s answer:

“Great show last night!
My favorite thing about spring is EVERYTHING – except the allergies and tornados. I love all the flowers, plants and trees in bloom, the warmer weather, the sense of something to look forward to, Easter, rain, family birthdays. There’s more, but I’ll stop there. Happy Spring!”

What nice optimism. I do love the spring, it feels like more things are possible. People are more social, you see your neighbors. It’s not dark when you get home from work. You get worms in your house.

Yep, we get worms in our house. Apparently our doors leave a gap between the door and the floor that is big enough for night crawlers to sneak under in their pursuit of higher ground when it pours. The first time it happened we found 20 big worms on our carpet. I was sure that it was a sign of falling out of favor with God, or in the least the apocalypse. I always wonder what the worms are thinking as this happens.

The Houghton front yard.

David the Worm and Celia the Wormess are in their house underground.

David (eating pudding): “I think it’s starting to rain.”

Celia (doing the dishes): “Oh, what makes you think that? Is it the water?

David: “Yes. Yes, it’s the water. Why do you have to criticize everything I say?

Celia: “Because all you do is sit here and watch entertainment courtroom shows.”

David: “Two things. First of all don’t mess with Judge Joe Brown. Secondly, I work, woman. I’m out there everyday building new tunnels for you. What kind of thanks do I get? Nothin! I get nothin thanks. You know what? I like the rain because it makes the tunnel building easier, not that you would know, because you just follow in my way.”

Celia: “It’s so easy because your hips is so big!”

David: “I don’t have hips. I’m a worm. I am a hip.”

Celia: “Boy, it’s really pouring out there. It’s really coming down. I think we need to leave.”

David: “I installed that sump-pump, we’re fine.”

Endless water pours into their house

David: Alright, let’s go!

The two squirm upward towards the grass

Celia: “Go faster!”

David: “I’m going as fast a I can. You realize that I don’t have tools, right?! Did you also know that I’m eating the tunnel we’re traveling through. I’m eating it. Eating it Celia.

Celia: “Maybe that’s why your hips are so big.”

David: Alright, we’re at the surface.

Celia: It’s all water, we need to find higher ground

David: How did you come to that conclusion?

Celia: To the white night circle in the sky David…to the white night circle!

David: Look there are steps!

The two climb up  the steps and find themselves at a door.

Celia: I can see in there. It looks like it’s even higher ground.”

David: “Wait, we need to save everyone else too! We’re a part of a community! Hey everyone! Over here! Come on! It’s safe!

Throngs of worms cheer and make their way up the steps

Celia: “What is this tile? I think this can get wet.

David: Oh, it’s a miracle! Look ahead, there’s carpet. Look how dry it is! Let’s go! Come on everybody!

They all move to the carpet

Celia: “This is great. It’s so dry. That’s all I want is dryness, and we have it right here.

David: Yep, I didn’t do too bad.

Celia: I would have prefered shag.

David: Woman.

30 minutes later

David: I just thought of something

Celia: Yeah?

David: Aren’t we made up of like 80% water?

Celia: Yes

David: What happens if we aren’t around any moisture?

Celia: I don’t know…I guess…

Both: Nooooooooooo!!!

David: Oh my gosh. We need to yell to the gangly giants who live here

Celia: Hey! Hey! Down here!

David: They’re sleeping, they’ll never here us and I think we don’t have vocal cords.

Celia: It looks like this is it.

David: I love you and I’m sorry for the way I treat you. I guess we’ve just gotten into a bit of a pattern where we’re just abrasive to each other. It started out as sarcasm way back when, but now it’s just been bitterness, but I want you to know that I’ve always loved you.

Celia: I feel the same way. Why have we let these trivial things get in the way? I suppose we have both have insecurities that get triggered, and the next thing you know we’re in a devastating cycle.

David: Oh honey. I’d hug you right now if we had arms.

Celia: Well, I guess this is it.

David: No, look, here comes something to save us. It must be one of those gangly giants.

Celia: Oh no, that’s no a human…that’s a dog

Both: Nooooooo!!!

David and Celia are eaten by Lucy the Dog.

Moral: Who do you need to hug if you had arms today? Don’t wait, you never know when a giant dog as a big as a dog compared to a worm is going to bend over and eat you.

Next prompt: If you could have any extinct profession, what would it be?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

One response »

  1. allan says:

    extinct profession? like dinosaur census taker? YES.

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