Monday, April 12th

Have I explained the full extent of the awesomeness of my wife? Yesterday, she ran her first half marathon. At this time last year she could barely make two miles, but yesterday she did 13.1. A few months ago she decided she wanted to do it and she did it. If I had decided that a few months ago I would still be talking about it for 13.1 years. So forgive me if I seem tired today, it was exhausting watching it.

Two other announcements:

1. Brice Johnson, Dave Smith, and I will be performing stand up at Q Enoteca Wine Bar on Commercial Street. It is at 8 pm and costs $5 to get in. Come on out, it is a good time and a perfect place for stand up. Plus they have a great selection of wine and specialty beer. The Q is owned by the same man who owns Big Momma’s Coffee and Espresso Bar, a sponsor of the show.

2. The movie To and From starring Robert E. Smith, Sarah Jenkins, Jeff Jenkins, and myself will be showing at the Moxie on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week at 7:00 pm. Robert plays my grandfather in the movie and he recently passed away. He was a great man, and part of the proceeds will go toward helping to fund a documentary that is being made about his life. If you like Christmas things in April, this is the film for you.

For the last prompt I asked, “What extinct profession would you have liked to have had?

I’ll use Allan’s answer:

“extinct profession? like dinosaur census taker? YES.”

Clever Allan, clever. I imagine that if that had been a real profession, we would have a better understanding today of what happened to the dinosaurs, or at least how many were living in each household. One of the greatest inventions we have had since the dinosaurs was the invention of underwear. That was a good one.

Although, I do have problems with it. Well, I have problems with the invention of the modern underwear. I feel like the initial conversation should have gone like this:

Boss: “Okay, gentlemen, we’ve got this board room for 3 hours, let’s get started. What should modern underwear be made out of?”

Henderson: “Well, I enjoy cotton, and I think that would be perfect.”

Boss: “Great idea Henderson! Everyone agree? Okay, then it’s unanimous.”

Boss: “Next, what material should be used to keep them from slipping down the legs?”

Percival: “How about elastic?”

Boss: “Yessir! Elastic it is. Everyone agree? Good.”

Boss: “Now, what color should we make the standard pair of underwear?”

Henderson: “Well, sir, the boys and I were talking before the meeting and we think that modern underwear should be any color except white.”

Boss: “Opposite of white it is then. Good thinking boys. It would be lunacy to choose white as the standard color of underwear. That is the only color, or lack thereof, that is in direct logical contradiction to what happens down there. That would be like giving a painter a canvas, paints, and a brush and telling him not to paint. You know, in fact, let’s make underwear a dark color just in case. Well gentlemen, we got through this very quickly and we set future men up for success.”

Somehow. Somehow, the opposite of this conversation happened and nonsensically we ended up with white as the standard color for underwear. How? Oh history, you are a wicked woman.

Next prompt: Where were you born?


About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

3 responses »

  1. Allan says:

    I was born in Fontana 25 years ago….and a day.

    Fontana is a city in the heart of the Inland Empire. Don’t believe that there is an Inland Empire? Or that it has a heart? Look it up on wikipedia.

  2. Amanda says:

    I was born at the North Memorial Medical Center in Robbinsdale, Minnesota!

  3. danclair says:

    I was born at Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh, PA. That should be enough info for you.

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