April 14, 2010

I just found out that my younger brother is going to be ahead 3-0 on the kid front soon. I need to get my act together. It’s exciting though, being an uncle is like being a substitute teacher, you have no responsibility and usually you just put in a video and hope they pay attention.

For the last prompt I asked: Where were you born?

I’ll use Dan’s answer:

“I was born at Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh, PA. That should be enough info for you.”

Dan, I appreciate your to the point answer. I can’t tell if the second sentence is a stern condescending directive, or an encouragement of my ability to turn lemons into lemonade. I’m going to choose love.

We also had a Mercy Hospital where I grew up in Iowa City, and I too was born there, although I was quickly transfered because they couldn’t handle my burgeoning awesomeness, and by burgeoning awesomeness I mean collapsed lung. It works now, so it’s all good. Do you ever think about how little you actually know about how your body works. I know the basics about what goes on on the outside and I know that I don’t like it if anything from the inside accidentally makes it to the outside, but that’s about it.

I have this whole complex intricate system happening on the inside of me, and I don’t know what it does. Think about the heart, there is a good chance that it will rhythmically beat without stopping for upwards of eighty years. Nothing you can buy works like that.

This reminds me of something that I just have to share. With my job I get different publications from hospitals, and one that came by just made me laugh. The American Cancer Society is a great organization doing a lot of good, but I think their latest interactive educational/promotional idea is not that great. You be the judge.

That’s right, it’s a colon that you walk through. There are some things that aren’t meant to be walked through. Here is a list of things you don’t want to walk through:

-The perfume aisle at Dillard’s while mouth breathing

-Poison ivy while naked

-A Tea Party rally with an Obama ’08 shirt

-An inflatable colon

-A dog lover’s convention with a Michael Vick jersey

-The ocean with gaping wounds

There! Did you see it? #4, an inflatable colon. This list I unkowingly came up with last year specifically has it listed. I want to know what’s going on on the inside that you can’t see from the picture. What do you look like when you come out the other end? Here is the answer you don’t want to know. 

Just because it is called ‘Super’ does not make it so. Did someone write them and say, “I would like to walk through my own colon, but I cannot manage it.” “Sir, thank you for writing. In response to your inquiry, we have constructed a giant inflatable colon, so you do not have to contact Rick Moranis to figure out a way into yours. Supercolon will be in your area soon, just look for the parking lot with the giant inflatable colon, not to be confused with the giant ringworm display the CDC will also have.”

Whose job is it to inflate the colon? What are they thinking about in the moment they are inflating it? Are they contemplating their life choices? I assume they have an electric pump, because doing it by hand or by mouth might be a little demeaning.

I would rather not be introduced to Supercolon. Mine introduces himself to me at least once a day, and that is enough.

Next prompt: Who did you think was the coolest celebrity when you were a teenager?


About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

2 responses »

  1. Angela Acree says:

    Danny Bonaduce, the spunky smart mouthed redheaded bass player for the Partridge Family. Everyone else was hot for David Cassidy. But not me. I was dreamy eyed for the super smart, super funny guy, not the pretty boy…Danny. Nothing much has changed after all these years. Funny is way hotter than abs.

  2. Allan says:

    I was a huge fan of Jonathan Taylor Thomas. First, he was known as “JTT.” could you imagine being called by all three of your initials? It was at this time that I wished my middle initial was “K” instead of “T” so I could aspire to be AKA instead of the less cool ATA.
    Also, do you realize how many first names were involved with the Home Improvement father/son duo that was Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Tim Allen? That’s right, it isn’t very often that FIVE first names identify only two individuals.

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