June 2, 2010

I have not posted for far too long. I was in Las Vegas for a few days of it. I knew going in that it was a crazy place, but man, it is beyond that. I still feel dirty, however, I did win $50.

The next Mystery Hour is Friday night! We are going to have a real state representative (Sara Lampe) on the show, plus a real character (Bucky Bowman), not to mention a real talented singer (Lija Fonner).

It is the last show of the season! Don’t miss this one.

For the last prompt I asked, “What is something you have in your car that you don’t need?”

I’ll use Katie’s answer:

“A blanket, a stack of magazines, a pair of shoes, an empty cooler, a Ziplock bag of stuff from when I cleaned out my purse so nothing embarrassing would fall out at a wedding, a dried and cracked fun noodle in the back window that I brought to Florida a year ago (and didn’t use), and most of the pieces of a giant fuzzy cat costume from last Halloween.”

This is tough to get back into the swing of things after not doing it for awhile. I feel like every item you mentioned tells some sort of story. I especially like the part about the Ziploc bag of stuff you created wo nothing embarrassing would fall out at a wedding. What? Is this something that women do? What is in that Ziploc bag? Is it healthy for it to be in a Ziploc bag in a hot car? Does it need to breathe? What situation would arise that they would be exposed from the inside of your purse?

I’m going to imagine what the items could be that would be in a purse that would cause embarrassment at a wedding.

-A bouquet. You had this stashed so that when the bride threw the bouqet you could reach into your purse and claim to have caught it

-Lipstick from ’96. It don’t look right anymore.

-A green bean casserole. You had saved it from a potluck a week earlier. The Saran Wrap didn’t quite cover all of it, now it’s oozing. You just couldn’t let it go to waste.

-Balled up Kleenex. Someday you’ll be a grandma and it will be expected of you, but not yet, not yet.

-A picture of you in a giant fuzzy cat costume from last Halloween. Meow.

-Various empty Tupperware containers. Nobody ever eats all of the heavy hors d’ouvres. It wouldn’t be right to let it go to waste. At the next weekend they will become your green bean casseroles from this wedding.

-Compromising photos of you with the groom. Well, to be perfectly honest, photos of the groom you got from Facebook photoshopped with you in them. The community college weekend course of Photoshop paid off. However, these are just for a potential black mail situation. You’ve never trusted Tina, the bride. Or Tina McBride for that matter.


-Pesos, lots of pesos. No one needs to be clued in on your double life in Mexico, do they Lorenza del Conquistador?

-A sparrow. You found an injured sparrow and have been nursing it back to health. Embarrassing and hasn’t been taught “Sit” and “Don’t poop” yet. Mr. Chirpy survives on green been casserole and Junior Mints.

Next prompt: What is the coolest thing you will do in June?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

One response »

  1. Amanda says:

    The ONE coolest thing?!? How will I ever choose? For starters I am celebrating my birthday this Sunday with trivia at Patton Alley Pub. Then the next weekend I am going to a wedding in St. Louis of one of my boyfriend’s pledge brothers from college. We will go to the City Museum while we are there (that could potentially be the coolest thing… but just wait). Then the next weekend I am going to Table Rock Lake with some awesome family friends (also has huge potential to be the coolest thing… but not quite). Then the next weekend I am going to Minnesota to visit some family (this is not the coolest thing because my cousin who I have a matching tattoo with will not be there). While we are in MN we’ll be going to a charity golf tournament called the Good Guy Open. My dad’s college friends organize it and it’s in its 13th year. It was inspired when one of the college friends died of cancer 14 years ago. They all decided to play golf in his honor the weekend of the funeral and thought, wouldn’t this be a great way to raise money for families dealing with cancer? So every year they put together this golf tournament which raises around $30,000 annually to give to families who are dealing with cancer. The friend who passed away was an all-around “good guy”, hence the name Good Guy Open. My job at the tournament is to “monitor” the hole-in-one hole with my friends. If anybody gets a hole-in-one they win $10,000. It has never happened in the past 12 years of the tournament, but we will be there to witness it should it ever happen. This activity is also known as drinking and BS-ing with the golf teams all day long. And that is the coolest thing I’m doing in June.

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