June 18, 2010

I stayed up late so I could watch my beloved Celtics lose. It’s always worth it to watch a team win, and never worth it to watch them lose. I’m going to try to think of happier times. How about when these guys performed on the show in May? They are the real deal. Stills and Grant.

For the last prompt I asked, what do you like most about your car?

I will use Allan’s answer:

“there are several things i like about my car. i like that it only has two doors, giving it a clown car quality; it has traveled an average of 30000 miles per year; and it is a manual transmission giving me the ability to reenact my favorite car chase scenes at any stop light…”

Manual transmission. Stick shift. An entirely different thing than driving an automatic transmission. It’s like the difference between a rotary phone and voice dialing. It’s like the difference between walking and Segwaying. It’s like the difference between using a rusty screw and using fingernail clippers.

I can drive stick shift, but I’m not one of those people that is really big into driving stick shift. It doesn’t seep into my definition of myself the way it does for some people. For some people it is was separates friend from foe. There is a certain arrogance to it and a certain disbelief that others don’t know how to do it. It is like many other things.

Here is a list of people that are arrogant about specific things:

-Stick Shift Guy. “This is my car. It’s a 1993 Honda Civic, stick shift. Do you know how to drive stick? No? What?! I think that anyone who doesn’t know how to drive stick should be sent to a third world country and forced to live off the land. Why? Because, it’s just stupid.”

-Music Snob Guy. “This is my favorite band, “The Angry Erasers?” You haven’t heard of them yet? They don’t play them on the radio. God, radio is so stupid. I’ve known about them since before they met and decided to become a band. Oh, you think you heard of them last year? That’s impossible, they had only made a demo at that point and only 8 people and the record label had heard of it then. I was one of them, you were not.”

-Movie Guy. “I just saw the most fantastic film of the year, it’s called ‘La Monta Del Guerrero,’ roughly translated means, the warrior’s blanket. It’s not really about anything. Sometimes nothing happens for like 45 minutes, which makes me love it even more. You wouldn’t get it, you probably like films that are entertaining. Don’t call it a movie, it’s a film. When it comes out on video it will have leaf parentheses because of all the film festivals it was in.”

-iPhone Guy. “You can text on your phone? That’s cute. My iPhone is so advanced that it has an app where the phone plops out a carrier pigeon and you can tie a message to its talon and it will send a message wherever you want. No, it’s not worse than texting, it’s an app. No, it’s not a really really old form of communication. I hope they develop an app where I can smack you, because I’m not willing to take my iPhone out of my hand.”

-Sunscreen Guy. “What is that SPF 20? Congrats, you’ll get skin cancer from 21 on up. Mine covers not only UVA and UVB, but also DNA, BBQ, TRL, and DVR. My name? Jeff Houghton, who’s asking?”

-General Knowledge Guy. “Ha! Yeah, right. Like I would be scared of a T-Rex in person. Did you even know it was probably an herbivore? It wouldn’t even care about me. If a T-Rex wanted to eat my salad I would just put it on the cupboard because it had tiny, tiny arms and couldn’t reach it. I could name like 8 dinosaurs that were more vicious. You ever hear of the Kronosaurus? Probably not, because you’re an idiot. How about the Zombisaurus? It was a zombie dinosaur.”

Next prompt: Where is the best place you will go this summer?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

One response »

  1. Jenn says:

    The best place I will go this summer is to my parents’ house. They live 2 miles away from me. And yet, when I am there, I feel like I’m on vacation. They have name brand food, like Laughing Cow cheese. No generics there. They have a television. It is a big, big television and it has 250+ channels. They have song birds on their deck at all times. And finally, they have a John Deere Gator available for recreational yard rides. All this for free! Here is their slogan: “Fun Times ALL the Time At Charlie and Donna’s.”

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