June 23, 2010

One day before my wife’s birthday. Today is the day that I wonder if my presents are good enough. I may have one more trip to Walgreen’s in me.

Here is a cool band, Brother Wiley that played on the show recently.

For the last prompt I asked, what is the best place you will go this summer?

I will use Jenn’s answer:

“The best place I will go this summer is to my parents’ house. They live 2 miles away from me. And yet, when I am there, I feel like I’m on vacation. They have name brand food, like Laughing Cow cheese. No generics there. They have a television. It is a big, big television and it has 250+ channels. They have song birds on their deck at all times. And finally, they have a John Deere Gator available for recreational yard rides. All this for free! Here is their slogan: “Fun Times ALL the Time At Charlie and Donna’s.”

I want to go to Charlie and Donna’s, it sounds spectacular. Sometimes I wish my parents lived 2 miles away from me. 250 channels? Fifteen years ago that would have blown me away. That was in the era when people had satellite dishes in their yards that were the size of actual satellites. Can you imagine how ticked off someone would be if they had a big satellite dish only to discover a DISH Network satellite a little while later?

Let’s imagine it:

Chuck: Honey, keep your eyes closed, no peeking.

Loretta: I’m not peeking, I’m just missing a finger, you know that.

Chuck: Okay, careful, careful. We’re outside now.

Loretta: I can tell, I just ran into the sticky fly tape.

Chuck: Woman! Okay, open your eyes.

Loretta: Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! It’s a satellite dish! And it takes up our whole yard! Everyone is going to know that Chuck and Loretta Lynch have a satellite dish. It’s like we’re the Jeffersons, only we don’t have to move on up! We can get every channel we’ve ever dreamed of! How much did you pay for it, honey?

Chuck: $13,000

Loretta: Did you get that from the children’s college fund?

Chuck: Yep.

Loretta: Oh, so worth it. I love you honey, I love you so much. I’m sorry for the way I treat you most of the time. You have really done it this time. The neighbors will be so jealous. Look at their yard over there, so empty. It’s like we’re in the future.

Chuck: Oh look, there are the Hendersons now.

Loretta: Oh Hendersons! Look at what we have!

Peter Henderson: Oh, that’s great. Congrats to you.

Loretta: Aren’t you a little jealous?

Janet Henderson: Sure. Actually, we just got DISH Network.

Loretta: What’s that?

Janet: It’s like what you have only smaller. It’s on our roof.

Loretta: What, that little thing? It looks like a frisbee on a stick. How much did you pay for it?

Janet: I think we pay $34 a month

Loretta: Good one. How much for the satellite dish itself?

Janet: I don’t know, I think it’s rolled into the price each month for the service.

Lorettta: Yeah right. How many channels does that little thing get, like 8?

Janet: I don’t know, a couple hundred I guess.

Chuck: Now that ain’t even possible! How would they all fit on the dish? They would take up way too much room!

Peter: I don’t think you understand how it works.

Chuck: Oh, I understand! I understand all right. I understand that I’m going to stick your “satellite dish” up your…

Peter: Whoa…whoa…whoa…no need to get upset here. We’re just heading in to microwave some Hot Pockets. We’re not looking for a fight.

Chuck: A microwhat?

Peter: It’s a microwave, it’s a small device that heats food quickly.

Loretta: That sounds like magic. Are you a warlock?

Peter: No.

Loretta: Get in our car and use our car phone to call the cops!

Janet: Here, use my iPhone

Chuck: iWhat?! Get thee behind me Santa.

Peter: It’s Satan.

Chuck: Aha! I knew it!

Next prompt: What do you get most easily distracted by?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

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