July 1, 2010

Happy July! The month of independence. This is the day when Thomas Jefferson and John Adams enjoyed a Samuel Adams on a patio somewhere and practiced their signatures and said stuff like this, “Should I go all caps? Would that be cool? Or would it look like I’m shouting my signature? I’ll just stick with loopy cursive.” And, “I hope someday Nicolas Cage doesn’t find our secret stuff on the back.”

For the last prompt I asked: “If money were no object, what would you want?”

I’ll use Dan’s answer:

“if money were no object, i would totally want a helicopter for my birthday. needless to say i would have to get helicopter flying lessons to accompany this gift, but it would be worth it.”

My first thought when I hear helicopters is not Vietnam, or OJ Simpson, or News Tracker 2. Nope, I think of the Cosby Show episode where Theo and friends take a helicopter to prom and the girls’ hair gets all messed up and it is a disaster. I feel like something unforeseen like that would happen to me in that similar situation. I don’t always think of details. Details and I are like a relationship with an ex. We see each other around, but try not to acknowledge each other. But, every once in awhile we get together when we’re lonely without telling anyone. Mostly, it’s just awkward. However, if you are a potential employer, I am very detail oriented.

My mind moves in too many directions too quickly to really pay attention to details. What I need is a detail butler. I have literally started to look up Adult ADD symptoms online and then got distracted. I come back to it later, and then get distracted again. If I had an Adult ADD Symptom website it would just say, “Can you finish reading this sentence without going to a different website?” Two hours later when I came back to it I would realize that I do have it. Thank you my own website.

You can see how this is a problem by how quickly I move from Founding Fathers, to OJ Simpson, to Theo, to exes, to ADD in 200 words or so. When I’m driving with my wife I will make similar jumps, but without explanation of the jumps involved. Above, I explained (poorly) how I got to each element, but when I’m with my wife it will go from Founding Fathers to ADD with just a small pause in between.

Here is an example:

The Houghtons are driving on an Ozarks highway enjoying the scenery, the conversation, and each other.

Jeff: “Hey look, there’s a billboard for Lasik Eye surgery. That seems dangerous to me. I don’t want a laser anywhere near my eye.”

Michelle: “Oh yeah, there it is. I would gladly have Lasik surgery.”

(pause)

Jeff: “Who keeps D batteries just lying around?”

Michelle: “What?”

Jeff: “You know, they’re huge and only used for big electronic things. They always require at least 4 batteries. Why don’t they just make one big long one and call it R sized?”

This is how it actually went down in my head:

“Lasik surgery->Laser eyes->why don’t we have laser guns yet?-> How do they heal a laser gun wound?-> I saw a surgery once on TLC that made fat look weird->where does fat go when it is burned?->how is it that humans last so long? you would think more would go wrong in that time->electric cars-> batteries take up too much room-> do we have any of those big D batteries?->who keeps D batteries just lying around?”

See, it makes perfect sense to me and is utterly confusing to my lovely wife.

Next prompt: “What is the most random fact you know?”

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

5 responses »

  1. michelle says:

    Oh Jeff…. you are so exactly like this. I’m proud you even got through this blog post.

  2. Chris says:

    Random fact: Mystery Jeff once hosted a “Babe-raham Lincoln: Emancipate Your Inhibitions” party in a house that relied on 2×4’s on car jacks to keep the floor from collapsing down into the very scary dirt floored basement.

  3. jenksie says:

    i feel your pain!! creative minds – distractible minds: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/10154775.stm
    (this will no doubt be sent to spam because it contains a link…so in that case: boobs viagra casino)

  4. allan says:

    for the sake of this blog it is random, but it is technically job related trivia for me. there are only three ferris wheels in the world that feature swinging gondolas (cages): one in japan, one on coney island, and one at disney’s california adventure. an added bonus: the ferris wheel at disney’s california adventure is 160 feet tall and often calls custodial for a “code v” clean up throughout the day. three guesses what a “code v” is…

  5. danclair says:

    A standard doorway is 6 feet 8 inches tall. In many modern commercial buildings (especially new construction and those metal frame buildings), doorways are 6 feet 10 inches. You learn these things when you’re 6 feet 7 inches yourself.

    Precautions.

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