July 7, 2010

I hope the 4th was great for everyone. I was supposed to go home and see family in Iowa, but when we were getting our stuff packed up we realized our dog, Sammy was hurt or injured or sick. It was hard to tell because he wouldn’t say anything. Anyway, we took him to the vet and then we decided to stay home so we could make sure he was all right. He’s fine now.

I asked a question for the last prompt. I’m going to ignore those and use one next time because I thought of a post I would like to do. So there. It is nearly timely, but not quite.

 How about a, “So, you forgot to celebrate the 4th of July, but you still want to be patriotic list.” People forget to celebrate, or they have to work, or they have to monitor their corgi’s health. Let’s re-name the list to, “Celebrate the 7th of July! Not Because We Forgot the 4th, Just Because. No Reason!” For the purposes of this list, the 7th of July will mean the same thing as the 4th.

“Ways to Celebrate the 7th of July! Not Because We Forgot the 4th, Just Because. No Reason!”

-A Birth of a Republic re-enactment. Everyone loves these. However, there is so much debate about who the Founding Fathers were and what they believed, that historical accuracy is a thing of the past, don’t worry about that. Gather your friends and family in the front yard and re-enact the moment where the Statue of Liberty gave birth to George Washington. Get a loved one to dress as the Statue of Liberty, green makeup and everything. Get a smaller loved one to dress as George Washington. Right when the boys choir you’ve hired gets to, “the land of the free…” Washington squirts out of the billowing liberty dress to the waiting nurse (Betsy Ross). America!

-Homemade Hot Dogs. Make Hot Dogs the way they were originally made, by moms and dads. Grab some processed meat, put it in the cupboard, you won’t be using that. Find some wet dog food, rat poison, sawdust, fingernail clippings, and sweatband juice. Roll them up and put them on a bun. You are good to go. America!

-Filibuster your brother everytime he tries to speak. America!

-Find the neighbor that you don’t like. Evict them by whatever means necessary. Install your own handpicked neighbor who is only interested in doing what they can to help you. When they eventually stop doing what you want them to do, oust them and find a new replacement. Ignore their human rights record. America!

-French Canadian. Invite a French Canadian to the party, taking a moment to enjoy the fact that we are not them. America!

-Freedom of the Press. Lament the impending loss of the press from sagging newspaper revenue by reading a bad blog. America!

-Oil. If you’ve run out of olive oil for the cooking, do not fret, go to the neighborhood pool, legend has it that oil is below the deep end in abundance. Drill. Do not consider a back up plan.

-Free Speech. Practice free speech with the family you’ve been meaning to speak your mind to. America!

-Second Amendment. Celebrate the typo-ed second amendment of the Constitution you got at a gas station and provide Juicy Fruit for everyone to exercise their gum rights.

-Borrow. See if your friends will chip in to help supply food to the party. If they aren’t willing to come to a party where they have to chip in, just borrow the food from a nearby Chinese restaurant. You can pay them back eventually. America!

-This list is jaded. Finally, thank a veteran, they’re important on July 7th too.

I’ll get to the last prompt next time. Stay tuned.


About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

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