July 26. 2010

Here I am for real. I have apparently taken a hiatus. Last week I didn’t have time, the week before I was on family vacation in Colorado. I couldn’t tell you that because my wife wouldn’t let me. Something about not wanting our house to get broken into while we were gone. I think that no one that reads this blog would do such a thing, however.

There’s a real blog post at the bottom.

Hey! Did you hear about this? This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. Please show up. Pretty please.

This may be the most important Mystery Hour of our generation. We’re doing it up big this time. We’re moving to prime time, and we’re going to the historic Gillioz. Some people’s favorite part of The Mystery Hour are the interviews, for some it’s the videos, for others it is the fact that it’s only once a month, but everyone loves the music.
That’s why we’re proud to announce the Mystery Hour Presents: The Best Concert Ever in Springfield* and Highlight Show!
Saturday, August 7th


Gillioz Theatre

The Mystery Hour has recently finished it’s 4th season, and in that time, we’ve had awesome musical guests, so we decided to assemble them all together for one HUGE concert.

But wait, it’s not just a concert, it’s also a clip show featuring your favorite highlights since Season One.
Check out these bands:

-Jeremy Larson
-Survival Car (featuring members of Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, The First Teenager Ever, New Monsters Collective)
-JJ Alberhasky
-Stills and Grant
-Focus! Focus!

For the last prompt I asked, “What is a random fact you know?”

I will use Chris’ answer:

“Random fact: Mystery Jeff once hosted a “Babe-raham Lincoln: Emancipate Your Inhibitions” party in a house that relied on 2×4′s on car jacks to keep the floor from collapsing down into the very scary dirt floored basement.”

This is indeed true. Chris and I used to live together, in a crappy crappy crappy house. What brought me to such a house? Well, I had been living in Springfield for eight months up to that point with roughly eight of those months being in my girlfriend’s parent’s basement. So, when I had the chance to live with peers I did not ask, “What sort of shape is this dwelling in?” I asked, “When can I move in?”

Actually, I moved in later than planned so Chris and Brett living in the house at the time kept telling their friends about this “mystery Jeff” that was going to move in that no one else had met. That is the story of how I got the nickname Mystery Jeff. I am in fact very much not mysterious. As far as nicknames go, it is not too bad. It could have been way worse. You could have clicked on www.chuckleshour.com to get here if things had been different.

Here are the features of the house we lived in:

-Dirt basement. Actual dirt, with thick dirt walls, with a house built on top of the hole.

-A soccerball sized hole between the  toilet and the bathtub, looking down into the “basement.”

-Locks on the outside of doors. What? Yes, someone was on the outside, trying to keep people from getting out.

-New locks on crappy windows.

-Spools of cables that fed to a closet full of VCRs. On the other end of those cables were presumable cameras protecting the house. From what?

-I stayed in a small upstairs bedroom. While cleaning my closet (attic space) I found a condom. It was out of the packaging.

-A hole on the underside of the roof overhang. This is how a squirrel got in one time. It made it’s way all the way to the living room where Chris encountered it.

Eventually, I had to move out due to allergies. Some say it was the dust, some say the mold, but really, I was allergic to unhinabitable places. We did throw a rockin’ Babe-raham Lincoln Party though. My wife gently broke a window with her tush.

I love reading real estate listings. Here is an imagined listing of that house.

“This three bedroom one bath house is sure to please. Located in a historic district, this venerable house has much to offer. A skylight looks from the rustic basement up to the bathroom. The upstairs master bedroom is quaint with history all around, making you wonder who else has shared the room from history. Creative ventilation abounds under the rooftop. Security is a feature on this gem with locks galore. Every house has locks to keep you in, this one has locks to keep others in. So, don’t miss the chance to jump at this offer. Basement is perfect for burying dead bodies.”

Next prompt: How did you last break a bone?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

2 responses »

  1. Brian says:

    I broke a bone at football practice in high school. It was technically football practice because we were there, but no where on the field. After practice one day, we were changing clothes to go home. Someone put their foot on a bench to tie their shoe and the bench fell over onto my bare foot. My pinky toe was broken.

  2. Matt says:

    I played five minutes of intramural soccer ever. I broke my nose by trying to do a header (I hit it on the other guy, not the ball). Never mind that I hadn’t touched a soccer ball in five years, and barely knew what a header was. It bled a lot and I had crazy Vicodin dreams.

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