Thursday, August 5, 2o1o

There is no Mystery Hour tomorrow night, remember it is on Saturday night. Remember that it is at 7:30, not 10. You should also remember that it is at the Gillioz. Remember how big the Gillioz is? So, you should bring lots of extra people with you.

Seriously, you won’t find a better concert lineup in Springfield in a better venue. If you don’t like music, keep in mind that half of the show will be clips from past Mystery Hour shows. Here’s the info—–>>>>>>

Here is a band that played on the show awhile ago called Pretty/Ugly. I just found this:

For the last prompt I asked something and didn’t get a response, so I get to be inspired from within my own brain. However, I want to sidetrack off of what I wrote last time.

I wrote about how there is the expression, “drink the Kool Aid” basically meaning to blindly follow a leader or an idea. The phrase comes from the Jonestown Massacre where a cult leader convinced his followers to drink Kool Aid with poison in it and they almost all died. So, I hypothesized, what would it be like if the Kool Aid Man himself was the leader of a cult. Let’s hypothesize some more.

Kool Aid Man Cult

People are gathered in the largest building on the sprawling compound. They sit in rapt attention waiting to hear their beloved, charismatic leader speak.

1st Speaker: We are gathered here to learn of the ways of our great and mighty leader. As you know, we never quite know when he will arrive, but he gets angry if you leave, so sit in quiet meditation while we wait.

1st Speaker: Hey Kool Aid Man!

A minute later, the Kool Aid Man crashes through the wall of the building.

Kool Aid Man: Oh yeah!

Similar sized holes line the wall of the building.

People: Oh, he is here, my soul feels quenched already.

Kool Aid Man makes his way to the microphone.

Kool Aid Man: You have seen my power and you know my strength. I have nourishing liquid inside me to offer to all, yet ‘they’ say it isn’t true. ‘They’ say it can’t be done. They would have you believe that a man made out of Kool Aid with the exoskeleton of a glass pitcher is not a man worth following. ‘They’ will tell you with their lies that science does not allow a man to be made of sugar and water with no lungs or heart. Yet, I tell you, use your own eyes, decide for yourself! Am I not here in front of you now? Oh yeah!

Do not be hoodwinked by society. That is why we are here now, separate from the heathens and their vile ways, like Five Alive and Tang. Oh yeah! We have work to be done today my little Dixie Cups! They want in, but we will not let them. We can only do it with the help of each other. Look to the person to your right and to your left. Ask them if they are willing to protect the Kool Aid Way.

Crowd: Are you willing to protect the Kool Aid Way?

Crowd: We will be Kool!

Crowd: We will Aid!  The one and only Kool Aid Man, bringer of deliciousness, bringer of all things good, unsafe for diabetics.

Crowd: Kooooollll!!

Crowd: Aaaaiiiiiiiddd!!!

Kool Aid: Yes, myDixie Cups be excited. Indeed my Dixie Cups, the diabetics are coming for us. They want me to die! Will you let them? You have a yearning to be part of something bigger, well that something is me. Remember you can tell if a person is one of us or is a diabetic by the existence of a brightly colored juice mustache. If you see someone without one, grab your insulin dart and shoot them. Don’t ask questions. The diabetics are evil and want nothing more than our destruction. Will you let them? Oh yeah! I mean no!

Remember the three things we live by.

One, Walls are not meant to confine us! They are meant to be destroyed with a body shaped hole.

Two, Together we are unified, apart we are not! It’s just a true statement that doesn’t really mean anything!

Three, Be Kool!

Now, drink from my empowering liquid. This is my Kool Aid poured out for you…

One Man: Isn’t that sacreligious? It’s awfully close to communion.

Another Man: Drown him!

Crowd: Yeah, drown him!

Kool Aid Man: Oh yeah! Grab him, put him in my pitcher body!

The man is grabbed and put in Kool Aid man’s liquid body as the crowd cheers.

Just then armed men crash through the walls led by Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, Little Caesar, Trix Rabbit, Cap’n Crunch, and Janet Reno. They sequester all the innocent crowd and corner the Kool Aid Man.

Kool Aid Man: Go ahead, shoot me! I’ll just be a martyr.

Tony the Tiger pulls the trigger on his pistol, firing one shot into the Kool Aid Man’s body as a single hole pours Kool Aid out onto the floor.

Kool Aid Man: Nooo, at least tell me you’re not…you’re not…not…diabetics.

Tony the Tiger: Of course we are. Do you know how much sugar is in Frosted Flakes? You’ve just been ended by a diabetic. Take that with you to hell Kool Aid Man.

Next prompt: What did you last use a stapler for?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

2 responses »

  1. Amanda says:

    To staple the pages of my new lease together! I am moving into a HOUSE on August 21 – no more apartment life for me!

  2. Heather says:

    Is this a trick question? Does anyone (besides ninjas) use a stapler for anything but stapling stuff? That’s what I used a stapler for last. Although if you have some good suggestions for alternative uses for staplers, I’m all ears.

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