August 10, 2010

Saturday night was an awesome show. The bands were so good, and the Gillioz was as beautiful as ever, and best of all there was a proposal from the stage. That’s right, musician extraordinaire, Jeremy Larson, proposed to his girlfriend, Elsie. She wrote about it on her uber popular blog. You can read it here. We’ll have some cool videos up soon from the show. It was a thrill to do the show in such a cool place. I felt more important than reality would suggest.

For the last prompt I asked, “What is the last thing you used a stapler for?

I will use Heather’s answer:

“Is this a trick question? Does anyone (besides ninjas) use a stapler for anything but stapling stuff? That’s what I used a stapler for last. Although if you have some good suggestions for alternative uses for staplers, I’m all ears.”

Heather, you should know by now that I’m not smart enough for trick questions. I first read your comment as a ninja stapler, which I kind of like the idea of. How about I do this? I would like to envision all of my cubicle objects personified, living together on my desk. Let’s see what happens. For the sake of this reality, the objects communicate by telepathy, so I never hear them. If you want to see them in your mind as moving their ‘lips,’ I won’t begrudge you. the objects are hanging out on my desk after a day’s work.

Phone: Whew! Another tough day. I didn’t know if I could handle a single other call. Jeff’s oily fingers and hot breath in my receiver are a nightmare.

Calculator: Whatever man. Just be happy you get noticed. I haven’t been used for like a year. I just want to be wanted.

Laptop: Maybe you put all your eggs in one basket. He prefers to use me. He’s already using me for other reasons, he might as well use my calculator.

Calculator: I can’t help it, I was born this way.

Laptop: It’s not about how you were born, it’s about pulling yourselves up by your own bootstraps and making something of your life. Don’t blame your circumstances.

Calculator. Shut up man. You don’t know what it’s like. You were given everything. You have an Intel processor. I have a sticker that says, “State Farm Insurance.”

Stapler: Hooey! Here I am

Phone: Whoa man, you just came out of nowhere.

Calculator: That’s because he’s a ninja.

Stapler: That’s right. Ninja. I’m off!

Phone: He’s off to hunt for the staple remover so they can battle. He’s too macho.

Highlighter walks in.

Laptop: Whoa…hello my lady. You are looking fine tonight.

Manila folder: You got no shot at her man.

Laptop: Why’s that? You want a piece of her?

Manila folder: No, you know she’s still dating Post It Notes

Laptop: So

Manila folder: She can’t work with you. What is she going to highlight? Nothing. She needs paper.

Calculator: Why you gotta be such a tool, laptop? You’re not better than anyone else, just different.

Laptop: Oh yeah? I got all y’all inside of me. Manila folder? Check. Calculator? Check. Stapler? No, but I’m workin…

Stapler: Hooey! Did I scare you guys? I’m back! And now I’m gone!

Empty coffee cup from last week: Hey guys, can I hang out?

All: No!

Recycled paper in the recycling bin: How about me?

All: No!

Recycled paper in the recycling bin: Oh yeah? I’ll be back! I guarantee it! Just you wait.

Highlighter: What are we talking about boys?

Manila Folder: Nothing…we’re just…I mean…your cap is looking nice

Highlighter: Thanks Manila

Laptop: Don’t talk to him. He’s worthless!

Motivational Poster: Don’t listen to him Manila. Remember, you can only soar with the eagles if you’re willing to jump.

Manila Folder: Thanks Moti.

Calculator: What do you guys think about unplugging Laptop?

Laptop: You wouldn’t. You ain’t got the computing power, and by computing power I mean cajones.

Manila: I think that’s a great idea.

They band together to yank the cord out of the back of Laptop

Laptop: Noooo! I’m nothing without my power. I’m not being properly shut down, items that were not saved will not be saved! Always save your work……

A great cheer goes out amongst the items.

Calculator: Yea! I can’t wait to see Jeff tomorrow!

Chair: I can.

Next prompt: How did you meet your significant other? If single, how did you meet your own heart?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

4 responses »

  1. al says:

    I’d like to see this filmed. No action, just shots of the objects on a desk, with voiceovers for each character. I’d totally watch that on youtube.

    My significant other and I met on the planet Slagathor, during the Fifth Revolt of the Spam Kings – What, do you really think I’m going to answer this honestly? It’s a common security question for password resets [It was actually the one that Sarah Palin used on her Yahoo account that was hacked by a teenager]. Why don’t you just ask my mother’s maiden name? It’s Xyrxxxylus. Or which elementary school I went to? Yo Mama, that’s where I went to school!

    No, but seriously, we met in college when she needed a place to bathe.

  2. Amanda says:

    I met Ryan through one of your other frequent commentors, Sarah Jenkins! She knows fun people and she likes to introduce them to each other. I actually think this weekend might be the first anniversary of when Ryan and I met, but I’m not 100% sure on that. I know it was in August.

  3. Erik says:

    I met her through a mutual friend while we were both at church. We were both in the greenroom backstage and she and our mutual friend were “choreographing” ridiculous dances to the music coming from the stage. 2.5 years later we were both on staff together at the same church and we started dating in September of 2009.

  4. Jenn says:

    My eyes first met Grant at the Little League ball diamonds one middle school summer. He was adorable. I think my heart met him over a game of UNO with my sister. I was in 7th grade and she was in 5th grade. We would play UNO and pretend that the winner of the game got to marry a specific cute boy from the public schools. I won Grant in a fierce game of UNO, unbeknownst to him. He had my heart at that point, unbeknownst to him. It all worked out, obviously.

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