August 18, 2010

It is Thursday and I am wearing a tie. I don’t have to wear a tie, but sometimes a guy just wants to feel pretty. I feel like I look like an old timey banker.

Do you love Grandma Norma, aka G. Norm? Yeah, me too. Here is the very best of What is G. Norm Saying?!

For the last prompt I asked, “What do you remember about your first day of school?”

I will use Katie’s answer:

“Jeff, I love the historical news feeds. Hilarious!

I wore Catholic school uniforms for 13 years, so I definitely don’t remember “back-to-school clothes.” I just had the plaid skirt, the polo shirt. What I remember are fresh, new pencils and markers, smooth and unscuffed protractors, snazzy Trapper Keepers and (my favorite) the smell of ink on paper in new books. I still love that smell. I was a big Scholastic Book Club dork.”

Let’s break down the elements of your answer in no particular order.

Oh man, Scholastic Book Club. There is nothing in the adult life that compares to Scholastic Book Club. How do they generate so much excitement for books? Maybe that smell of ink on paper is actually crack and everytime you sniff it you get a high and associate it with Scholastic Books.

Here are the types of books I would always get from the Scholastic Book Fair:

–Joke books. I even got one that was about having good comebacks. Stuff like, Person: “Can you tell me what time it is?” Hilarious comeback: “Time for you to get a watch!” Person: “A penny for your thoughts?” Hilarious comeback: “Make it a dime and tell you!” Person: “Can you tell me where the restroom is?” Hilarious comeback: “I am going to stab you.”

–Drawing books. I loved to draw as a kid, and I loved to learn how to draw better. Interestingly, as a kid, I thought tracing to be as high of an art form as original art. I had no problem passing off a tracing work of art as my own. Mom: “Wow, Jeff, this is an astonishingly good kangaroo. It is accurate and vivid.” Me: “Thanks, I know.”

–World’s Dumbest Criminals. This is an actual book title, and actually it was my brother who got the book. But, he loved it so much, it had to be good. He would read it before he went to bed for months.

They say you use math throughout your life and I don’t disagree at all, however I can honestly say that I’ve never used a protractor since I hung up my math cleats. Same goes for protractor’s ambiguous partner, the compass. They had to be dating, right? I swear, they were always together. Why didn’t they just kiss and get it over with? 

My pencils were always wore down to nubs by October due to constant sharpening and overuse of my eraser. I would always erase stuff and then blow the eraser residue on the carpet. Multiply that by 20 kids and the janitor had to have great disdain for erasers.

Trapper Keepers. In my school you had to have one of those. It could have a pony on the front, or a rocket ship, or Kirk Cameron, but there had to be something on the front. Parents would say stuff like, “Why can’t you just use a three ring binder? I have one from my work conference last week, it’s perfectly good.” Like the Fresh Prince said, “No need to argue, parents just don’t understand.” 

School girl outfit. My only experience with those is the “slutty” versions on Halloween. No one has ever made a slutty version of my school outfit. It would be umbro shorts, a Michael Jordan shirt, tube socks, and velcro shoes. You couldn’t make that slutty if you tried, just like you shouldn’t with school girl outfits. Just stop it.

Next prompt: What will be something new that is discovered soon?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

One response »

  1. allan says:

    they are going to discover a new form of government using the internet….a political version of digg where things are promoted to prominence or buried to death…

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