October 29, 2010

I have been horrible at this the past few weeks. I really apologize to my fan. I’ve just been awful. Here’s the good news! The Mystery Hour is back in a week! We will have on a real comic book writer and graphic novelist, Jen Murvin Edwards, as well as music by Charles McDonald. He’s like a young Michael McDonald.

For the last prompt I asked, “What will 2011 bring for you or the world?

I will use Heather’s answer:

Hopefully the end of people being able to make fake glasses out of the year. I thought it would come with 2010 and the end of the double zeroes in the middle, but someone always finds a way to take things one step too far. Surely now it’ll really be over – except maybe in the cyclops and pirate markets, but I don’t hang out with many of them, so I should be alright.”

Well, a much better answer than I could have anticipated from that question. I wonder how long those glasses have been around? Surely, when Christ was born one of the magi was wearing 00 glasses and the trend just took off. Although, I suppose most glasses are 00 glasses. I too don’t find myself hanging around with cyclopes and pirates, but I do find myself hanging out with large monocled peanut spokespeople.

I wonder what it would be like if I was roommates with Mr. Peanut.

Jeff walks into the apartment after a long days work to find it a mess.

Jeff: Oh geez, hey, Mr. Peanut, this place looks horrible! It was fine when I left it this morning!

Mr. Peanut: Chaz.

Jeff: What?

Mr. Peanut: I’ve been trying to get you to call me by my first name, Chaz.

Jeff: Alright, Chaz Peanut, what have you been doing all day?

Mr. Peanut: I’ve been doin’ my thang, you know how I  be!

Jeff: You’re lazy man, you’re so lazy.

Mr. Peanut: No I ain’t! I shot a new commercial three weeks ago.

Jeff: Sometimes I just hate how easy your life is.

Mr. Peanut: I’m living the dream, Jeff, living the dream.

Jeff: I wish people could see you in real life. On those commercials you look so classy with your hat, monocle, and cane.

Mr. Peanut: You mean my lame hat, lameocle, and lame? Those are props man, it’s all about image. Mr. Peanut is a stuck up loser, Chaz is a fun loving winner.

Jeff: Why must you always be naked on the futon? I have to sit there too, you know.

Mr. Peanut: Do I make you uncomfortable, is it because of my n…

Jeff: Don’t make a nut joke.

Mr. Peanut: Nicely salted abs?

(A woman walks out of the bedroom in a towel, drying her hair)

Woman: Hi.

Jeff: Whoa! Did Mrs. Butterworth spend the night with you? Gross!

Mrs. Butterworth: Destiny.

Jeff: What?

Mrs. Butterworth: Call me by my first name, Destiny.

Mr. Peanut: Cop a squat on the futon with me Destiny.

Jeff: Double gross.

Mr. Peanut: I don’t know why you can’t stand to see two people in love, Jeff.

Jeff: You aren’t in love.

Mr. Peanut: She gets me man. See, Jeff, your problem is that you don’t understand the life of a celebrity spokesperson. You have no idea. There are pressures you wouldn’t even dream of man. It gets hard. Do this, don’t do that. Jump. How high? Destiny and I understand each other. We’re like a perfect Chinese entree. She’s sweet, I’m sour.

Jeff: I sort of understand what it’s like.

Mrs. Buttersworth: Ooh, Chaz, I love it when you talk romantic like that.

(The two embrace)

Mr. Peanut: Don’t you hate it when you get syrup stuck on your hands? I don’t.

Jeff: Fine, I’m going to go in my room and pay some bills.

Mr. Peanut: Okay, my man. If you want, I’ve got some residual checks on the floor, sign them over to yourself, I don’t care. Just knock if you’re coming back out.

Jeff: I hate you Mr. Peanut.

Mr. Peanut: It’s Chaz.

Next prompt: What is a typical Friday night for you?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

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