November 19, 2010
“this is soooooooo true. oh-so-true.”
She made that comment because my post was about male v. female shopping lists that I just pulled from our lives. You ever notice that funny things are really just statements that other people can relate to? During improv shows I spend a lot of time looking at the audience react to a scene that I’m not in. When someone laughs they automatically look to the person they’re sitting next to. Laughter is completely a shared experience. I think that’s really interesting. This is turning into an unfunny post, but true, oh-so-true.
Let’s see if I can make some observations just about my day today.
-My gas light doesn’t come on anymore so I have nearly run out of gas many times in the last few weeks. I completely ran out while pulling into my driveway. My gas light is the only light that is not on on my dash, ‘check engine’ and ‘maintenance required’ are working perfectly. It’s like a video game trying to see which lights I can get to turn on or off.
-When on a cell phone and the call is dropped I don’t know whose responsibility it is to call back. Often, neither will call, waiting for the other person, or both will call at the same time and leave a voicemail at the same time. We should make standardized rules for this situation.
-I don’t get to have an art class anymore since I am out of school. Instead, I have work meetings. I create masterpieces in the margins.
-I like using a red pen instead of blue or black, I feel slightly rebellious.
-Getting out of bed in the morning is the only skill that I am exactly as good at as when I was four years old. I have a Preschool Getting out of Bed Level. Why can I improve in other ways, and not this?
-I’m not sure if the cost outweighs the benefit when I use my Sonicare toothbrush. I get a great clean, however the primordial sludge that sits on the inside of the toothbrush can’t be good.
-Bosses have to notice sucking up, they just have to. It is so obvious, maybe they just like it.
-In the same day I will yell at another driver when I am stuck behind them and they are going slow, and intentionally go slow in front of a driver who is, in my mind, clearly a jerk.
-I wonder if an impoverished person from a village in Africa who has no clean drinking water would be offended, grossed out, or amazed at the sight of me using a neti pot.
-I have come to love wearing a robe in the morning, or as I like to call it, a backwards Snuggie.
-When eating a buffet, the most important thing to do is preview the entire spread so you can know how much space to allocate for each item. Maybe this is the problem with government budgets, they don’t look at the whole thing. They’re just allocating all kinds of room for potatoes, not knowing there are au gratin potatoes coming up. So, what do they do when they get to the au gratin? Just pile it on.
-You know those weird chairs you’ll see sometimes when people are set up giving ten minute massages? You know, they have a place for your face and you arch your back toward the ‘masseuse.’ You can only be in that business if you are a woman and/or a pair of woman. All I know is that you can’t be a lone guy trying to pull off that business. No matter how great you are at giving short massages, you can’t not look creepy.
-I always cut my fingernails a day later than I was hoping to and bothers me for the entirety of the day when they aren’t yet clipped. I feel like a woman or a sitar player.
Have you ever had a nickname? What was it?