November 29, 2010

If you were wondering where I have been, I have been in pure bliss. I was at my parents’ house for a week. They have a DVR, HD, and movie channels, so I watched all, or part of these movies: Zombieland, Step Brothers, Slumdog Millionaire, Seven Pounds, Where the Wild Things Are, Rudy, Year One, District 9, and I went out of the house to see Conviction. I mention this because it was rare, not because I often watch a lot of movies. I’m just proud of myself, I was so sedintary!

Hey, the Mystery Hour is this Friday! Hooray! Somehow, we just keep coming up with cool lineups.

For the last prompt I asked, if you have, or have ever had a nickname, and if so, what was/is it?

I will use Angela’s answer:

“My name was “pig nose” for obvious reasons and I am starting year two of psychotherapy because of it.”

I like to use the answers of first time commenters, so it was between Angela and J.C., but J.C.’s comment was about 1,000 words, so I just didn’t have room. Have a look at it though, it’s pretty funny.

The whole pig nose thing is is so old, they are dumb. If you want I will help you beat them up, litigiously. It does make me wonder what would be the best attributes to acquire from an animal. What would be the best feature to have, if you could only have one?

Here’s my list of animal parts I would like to have:

-Dog’s non-judging sense of smell. I don’t mean the ability to smell things well, I mean the ability to not judge what they are smelling. My dogs will put their nose into disgusting things and not care. They don’t have the desire/ability to ever say, “Whoa! Gross!” I don’t know how this would benefit me, except for as a house guest at the home of a horrible cook.

-Squirrel tail. All other animals have their tails dangling behind them, a slave to gravity, not squirrels, their tails are grafity defying. Squirrel tails are always up by their heads. If I was ever balding, I could simply put my tail up over my head, although the constant twitching might give it away.

-A bat’s sonar. That way if someone ever said, “I bet you can’t race across this junkyard with your eyes closed, I could do it.

-Armadillo’s protective shell. Notice, I did not say their ability to look both ways. Their shells are very useful, except powerless against Camrys and Accords, and any kind of motorized vehicles. I would use the knowledge of my shell to taunt people, escalating to a fight, then when they weren’t looking. Poof! I’m in a ball.

-Grasshopper’s exoskeleton. I’m tired of my skeleton being an intraskeleton. Plus, I want the ability to spit black juice whenever I want.

-Kangaroo’s pouch. Great for shoplifting.

-Lightning bug’s light. If i had that, I would have no use for a phone, since I mostly use it as a crappy flashlight. I will say it again, people should be more amazed by lightning bugs than they are.

-Cat’s ability to not give a crap what others think of them. Self explanatory 

Shark’s teeth. I don’t mean I would like to have their teeth individually, I mean the amount of teeth they have. This would be great for buffet’s bad for orthodontia if needed.

-Kevin Costner’s gills. How great would that be to have the gills of the mighty Costner, which can survive on both land and water.

It might be a bit much to have all of these, but I would adapt.

Next prompt: What is the third thing in your morning routine?

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

3 responses »

  1. Ashley says:

    Showering. Each part of my morning is a process for me, so by the time I convince myself that, “yes, I do have to get out of bed because Taylor Swift has taken over my iPod alarm shuffle,” and finally get around to locating a towel and clothing so as not to frighten family members walking from the bathroom to my basement, I’m up to step three… the shower. A blissful, steamy hot (until my ancient water heater runs out of water) shower.

  2. joshua.goeke says:

    Somebody who can draw should draw Jeff as that creature.

  3. Derek says:

    1) Wake up
    2) Turn off alarm
    3) Roll horizontally out of bed so as to leave sheets lying smoothly on the bed. That way I don’t have to actually make it.

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