December 10, 2010

Well, yesterday was something. We established a new record for one day of views for this website. In my ‘stats’ page, it has always shown me that the day with the most views was day during the first week of launching the website, a year and a half ago. That has always bugged me. Now, we have a new record, by a lot. Let’s keep it going, people. I guess the formula is a post about Facebook, followed by a post about kissing. Now I know.

For the last prompt I asked, “What is your favorite thing to buy at the grocery store?”

I will use Matt’s answer:

“Coffee and bread. That aisle smells so good. I just want to crawl into the shelf and hide behind stacks of bread and bags of coffee and just drift away…”

Matt, that is an interesting fantasy, along the lines of singing “Circle of Life” overlooking a body of water. Man, I hate coffee. It is just bad hot chocolate to me. I don’t  understand people’s fascination with coffee. But, people that love coffee really really love coffee. People just accept that it is cool to be obsessed with coffees of all kinds. B read is fine, bread is great. People aren’t obsessed with bread.

The one thing I do know is coffee shops. I do love coffee shops. Although I never get coffee, I still like them.

Things you see at a coffee shop:

-A barista. A barista is a person whose job it is to serve coffee and make you feel like you are an idiot for not knowing Itanglish. Itanglish is a made up language mixing Italian, English and douchebaggery.

-A person at a laptop presumably working on a novel, when in all actuality they are on Facebook looking up pictures of you.

-Scones. What’s the deal with scones? Why do people insist on making them still? They are to pastry what your twice divorced aunt is to the family: hardened, crusty, and full of raisins.

-A teenager telling a story really loudly. “And T-Bone’s all like, ‘I don’t think you want to step to this!’ But the whole time he was holding an ice cream cone! It was hilarious, the other guy was like, ‘I’m outta here.'” You sneer and put on your headphones, but it doesn’t help. To a teenager, a coffee shop is a cool bar.

-Someone you keep accidentally making eye contact with. They are in your field of vision and you both happen to look up at the same time, everytime. If one of you was Jon Cusack it would be the start of a romantic comedy. Since you’re not, it is the start of a long line of restraining orders.

-A nail clipping. Gross.

-Old magazines. You would think you walked into the doctor’s office if you looked at the date on the magazines. If a man comes from the back with a clipboard and calls your name, don’t follow him.

-A guy who is not there named Walter. Walter left without picking up his drink so the barista keeps loudly calling for him to pick it up, not realizing that Walter is four blocks away in his ’04 Elantra.

-The person whose name you can’t remember. How do you know her? You can’t talk to her, yet you can’t leave without passing her by. You can’t pull off calling her a ‘chief,’ or a ‘man’ because she’s a girl. You settle on ‘lady.’ It is unsuccessful.

-Homeless guy. Even he is complaining about the scones.

Next prompt: What is the last thing you said on the phone, besides “bye.”

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About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

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