December 17, 2010

I got an exciting comment on my last post. Someone from, commented. We have made it as a website, we’re at the pinnacle. I’ll have more on that later today or Monday.

Today I’ll post an article I wrote for Fair City News that was published today. Fair City News is a local satire site that is like a local Onion. It is fantastic.

Google Crushes Local Mom and Pop Search Engine

Springfield, MO – Bob and Erma Matthews have been running Bob and Erma’s Search Engine for fifty one years from a small storefront on St. Louis Street. Those days will soon be coming to an end as Bob says they just can’t compete anymore. “The Google is just so fast, with access to so much information, there’s not much the little guys can do anymore. It all comes down to volume.”

“For years we’ve had people send us mail, stop in, or call over the telephone asking about things that they don’t know,” explains Erma. “Old Bob here, jumps in the Pontiac and hurries down to the library, or calls his cousin, Paul, who knows just about everything, or he asks the guys he has coffee with at Kum ‘N’ Go. Then he hurries on back with an answer. I guess people just don’t appreciate that human touch anymore.”

Erma says she can remember when people were lined up around the block just to find out answers to things they didn’t know. “Back then, people were asking things like, ‘Who played the daughter in, It’s a Wonderful Life? Or How do I Spot a Communist? Or ‘Marilyn Monroe’ and naked.”

Bob’s grandfather, Chester started the business in 1884 under the name Chester’s Inquiry Emporium. Back then, people would have to stop by in person with a question, or send it by stagecoach. When Bob took over he modernized the business by accepting telephone calls. “I just can’t modernize anymore,” says Bob “Only thing I can think to do is put a V6 in my car, and at a nickel a question, we just can’t afford it. People today want their information to be free.”

“Google doesn’t care. They’re happy undercutting the small guys,” explains Bob. “I can remember when there were four search engines within a square mile here. Now, we’re the last ones left, and we have to shut down.” The store will close on Saturday, with a big half off sale. Bob can’t afford to retire just yet, so he plans to work part time at his cousin’s shop, Sully’s Answering Machines and VHS Tapes. Although Bob admits, “They ain’t doing so hot either.”


About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

One response »

  1. Patty says:

    This is really cute. Thanks for sharing it.

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