January 13, 2010

I swear, we’re going to get the commercial parodies to you soon. Hopefully today.

Yo, this weekend is the next installment of “The Mystery Hour Presents: So There I Was Storytelling Series.” As always it is free, at 9:30 at Q Enoteca Wine Bar, and this time we’re doing a special two night show in honor of MLK, Jr Day. All of the stories will be on the subject of race, so you know it will be interesting.

Here is the latest Checking in With The Houghtons episode. I couldn’t embed it. It’s worth clicking on.


I didn’t get a comment on my last post, because I forgot to ask a question at the end. So that means I get to do whatever I want. For this post, I would like to imagine one of Kesha’s friends calling her to hang out and Kesha only responding with lyrics from her latest single, “We R Who We R.” Her lyrics are in bold.

Kesha and Her Friend, DJ Hang out

(The phone rings at Kesha’s house. Kesha answers)

DJ: Hey, Kesha, it’s DJ, just calling to see if you wanted to hang out tonight. I don’t really have any great ideas, but I just thought we could get some friends together and maybe watch a movie.

Kesha: Hot and dangerous
If you’re one of us, then roll with us

DJ: Cool, I’m up for some excitement tonight.
Kesha: ‘Cause we make the hipsters fall in love

DJ: Awesome, does that mean we’re going to a locally owned coffee shop that only serves fair trade coffee? Or, are we going to an overpriced vintage store? Remember last time we did that? You got those hot pants that were so tight you couldn’t get them over your butt?
Kesha: And we’ve got hot-pants on enough

DJ: Okay, I’d hate to see what that means. Are we going to run this town like a club tonight?
Kesha: And yes of course because we’re running this town just like a club

DJ: Do other people want to mess with us?
Kesha: And no, you don’t wanna mess with us

DJ: And why not? Because of jewelry? Say it’s because of jewelry.
Kesha: Got Jesus on my necklace

DJ: I knew it.

Kesha: I’ve got that glitter on my eyes

DJ: Like on your eyeballs? Like on the balls themselves? That sucks, were you making crafts again?
Kesha: Stockings ripped all up the side

DJ: We can stop by Sears on the way out and get some new ones, no worries. Hey, have you gotten over that flu you had last week? The one that made you lose all that weight?
Kesha: Looking sick and sexy-fied

DJ: Good, let’s do it.
Kesha: So let’s go-o-o (Let’s go!)

(Kesha, DJ, and their friends arrive at the club)
Kesha: Tonight we’re going hard

DJ: Yeah, you’re right, this is fun. This is way better than watching “Brewsters Millions”  like I was planning on. Hey, what would you guys do, if all of the sudden you had millions of dollars? What would that be like?

Kesha: Just like the world is ours

DJ: Yep, exactly. Then what would you do with it?

Kesha: We’re tearin’ it apart
You know we’re superstars

DJ: Now, say it more vaguely!

Kesha: We are who we are!

DJ: That’s what I’m talking about. You are so fun. Seriously, if you hadn’t said that we were going out, I’d be in my camo Snuggie right now with a bowl of Craisins…oh hey…are you okay…are you convulsing?

Kesha: We’re dancing like we’re dumb

DJ: Oh, cool. Hey, guess what I got girls? Yep, I stole a ton of Botox from my doctor. Let’s use it!
Kesha: Our bodies go numb
We’ll be forever young

DJ: Who are we?
Kesha: You know we’re superstars

DJ: One, more time, more vaguely!

Kesha: We are who we are!

Kesha: DJ turn it up

DJ: I can’t, we’re at a club, I’m not in charge of the music. I’m sure they pay somebody.

Kesha: It’s about damn time to live it up

DJ: Okay, okay, take it easy. Don’t swear at me. Get serious for a minute.

Kesha:I’m so sick of being so serious
It’s making my brain delirious!

DJ: Kesha, you’re starting to scare me, you’re not making sense
Kesha: I’m just talkin’ truth

DJ: Yeah, maybe as you see it.

Kesha: I’m telling you ’bout the s— we do

DJ: Stop swearing at me. Kesha, you’re drunk. You’re out of control right now. We haven’t hung out for awhile, is life going okay for you?
Kesha: We’re sellin’ our clothes, sleepin’ in cars

DJ: You lost your house?! Oh my gosh, Kesha, that’s bad. Are you still looking presentable and being respectful to men?
Kesha: Dressin’ it down, hittin’ on dudes (HARD!)

I’ve got that glitter on my eyes
Stockings ripped all up the side
Looking sick and sexy-fied
So let’s go-o-o (Let’s go!)

DJ: I already know this. Kesha, you’re repeating yourself. Don’t go on one of your rants where you talk all crazy and just repeat what you already said.

Kesha: Tonight we’re going hard
Just like the world is ours
We’re tearin’ it apart
You know we’re superstars
We are who we are!
We’re dancing like we’re dumb
Our bodies go numb
We’ll be forever young
You know we’re superstars
We are who we are!

DJ: Dang, it Kesha. You just replayed everything you said a few minutes ago.

Kesha: DJ turn it up

DJ: I already told you, I can’t. See the guy in the booth up there? It’s his job…
Kesha: DJ turn it up

DJ: You turn it up, I dare you.
Kesha: DJ turn it up

DJ: You have no idea of how the management of a club works, do you? They hired the DJ, I can’t control the volume. We can make requests, but we can’t just go up there to turn up the volume. I would get in trouble. Tell me one more time…I dare you…see what I do…say it…say it one more time…
Kesha (whispering): DJ turn it up

Next prompt: What do you do after work when it’s cold out?

About jeffhoughton

I'm a sometimes writer, actor, comedian and an all the time adventurer.

5 responses »

  1. Amanda says:

    I either a) put on my pajamas and snuggle on the couch under a blanket or b) work out and take a hot shower. I’ll let you guess which ones happens more often.

  2. Allan says:

    Well if it is still cold outside when my shift ends I’m probably going to be put on a double shift and will have to return to feeding coal into the furnace. The supervisor doesn’t let me go home until we’ve made it warm outside.

  3. Scott Kirchner says:

    When it is cold outside, I like to convince myself that I could actually move some where warmer. Then I really start going into deeper thought about it and realize all the things I would have to do to move. Then I put on another coat.

  4. Shanners says:

    I keep my coat on until I’m warm, and drink hot chocolate. Tonight I made it “gourmet” by adding cinnamon and a touch of red pepper to it. If it’s REALLY cold, I drink my hot chocolate with my coat on in the bathroom with the heating fan on. Then I get too hot, and it feels good to go back out into the rest of the house.

  5. Eddie says:

    This is awesome. Kesha is a moron.

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